If INC was a cat, he'd be dead by now

I should probably start by explaining why I find the title of this post so hilarious.


The 'phrase 'he'd be dead by now' is not inherently comedic or anything, but in the right context it is seriously funny. Many years ago, around March and specifically the Sunday immediately after daylight savings ended meaning that the clock was claiming that it was an hour earlier than my body thought it was, I sat through a stunningly tedious evening church service.


The guest speaker, whose name utterly escapes me (perhaps this is fortunate) seemed to have no regard for the general concept that anything worth saying can usually be said in half an hour and if it can't too bad becuase people will stop listening if you go any longer than that on a Sunday night, chose to talk about nothing much really for about an hour and a quarter.


Early on in this utterly uninspiring exercise, this guy tries to illustrate faith or some similar concept by telling a boring story about a boy trapped in a burning building (it's not easy to make such a subject boring, but he managed it), the point being that the boy had to jump out a window so his father could catch him and apparently there was some faith involved in the exercise somewhere.


Anyway, at the point at which I was seriously considering just going home because this guy had been talking for an hour and showed no signs of stopping, but I had decided that would be a bit rude because I was playing bass that night and people would probably have noticed if I packed up all my gear and made multiple trips to the car to load it all up, something interesting finally happened.


After talking about I can't remember what for I don't know how long, our speaker said "We now return to the boy in the burning building". One of the young folk in the fourth row, unable to take any more, called out "He'd be dead by now!"


See, in context, it's richly comedic.

Much as I enjoyed that moment, it was not the point of this post at all, or even the reason for the title. It may actually turn out to be the best part of this post, but that's not the point either.

The point I was actually planning to make was that I have a terrible case of curiosity. But, before we get to that, there's a little more context needed.

The 940 people who, at last count, had read my profile may recall that I have listed, among my favourite bands, the legendary-for-possibly-not-all-the-right-reasons Christian rock band known as Petra.


The lovely Actonb, who is probably the only person reading this who has ever heard of those dudes, has commented on this before. It would be fair to say that Ms B was rather unimpressed to find this band associated with my blog in any way.


It's true that I did listen to rather a lot of Petra's work when I was an impressionable teenager. I even saw them live at Festival Hall on their 1988 tour, and, tragically enough, I STILL HAVE THE T-SHIRT.


Pleasingly, it still fits.

I continued to listen to their music for a couple more years after that, but I am reasonably relieved to be able to say that I am completely unfamiliar with anything they recorded after "Beyond Belief", which I bought (on cassette) in 1990. I can't remember when I last listened to it, but some guidance may be gleaned from the fact that when I was in Perth this time last year, I found my copy of that album in my brother's car, which at least explained what happened to it. As far as I know, he still has it, although I must say I'm not sure why that is.

So, with all that in mind, I was moderately amused to receive the following email:

To: notcraigorama@gmail.com

I noticed you have my old band Petra on you favorite music list. I want to invite you to my personal blog.


Talk to you soon,


Pete Orta

http://www.ortaology.com/

"Talk to you soon", in this context, may be the most optimistic sentence ever written.

I have never even heard of Peter Orta. However, since I was unable to resist googling, I know know that he joined the band a few years ago (yes, they are still going) and has since left it again, to be replaced by the original guitarist who has been in the band since 1972.

Yes, this band is older than I am.

So, naturally, I forwarded the email to Actonb in the hope that she would be as amused as I was and decided to otherwise leave it at that. Surely, I thought, I would not be silly enough to follow the link and actually read this thing.

Why? What did I not delete it immediately? Am I insane? Why?

Sure enough, curiosity got to me and I ended up reading the blog of Peter Orta. I justified this on the basis that I thought it would be interesting. And I was right.

If you suffer from the same sanity threatening condition that I do, feel free to follow the link and experience the magic for yourself. I have nothing more to say, about that blog, other than that it is an excellent argument for never being curious again.

And of course, I have to add one other small message:

VICTORIA BECKHAM, YOU HAVE LOST YOUR TITLE.