The gold of the early sourdough's dreams

And we're back, just in time for the Republican National Convention. For an event that I was planning to ignore entirely, this has turned out to be an absolute barn-burner. Anyone who thinks Christian fundamentalists have no sense of humour will surely have to reconsider now that it's been revealed that John McCain's selection of Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin as his running mate was not, as wildly suspected, a stroke of genius from a bold, independent politician with a gambler's instincts and the nerve of a barbary pirate, but a last minute compromise forced on an unpopular candidate who can't even get his own party behind him a few weeks out from an election. And yes, it was America's ever admirable Christian Right leading the charge of the Palinistas.



Let's look at how its working out for them, so far.



Things started well. How could America not fall in love with the obscurity to riches story of Sarah Palin, the former high school basketball star who was once voted "Ms Congeniality" in the Ms Alaska competition, and who has now gone from Mayor of Wasilla to nominee for VP in a remarkably small number of years. And if that wasn't enough to love, she is married to Todd, an an oil worker, commercial fisherman and champion snowmobile racer, known to Alaskans as, quite seriously, The First Dude.



I haven't researched whether he had this nickname before his wife became the Governor but a blogger can dream.



Maybe's it's the last minute appointment and the lack of time for the usual, rather thorough, background checks, but there have been a couple of rough patches since.



Let's start with her belief that teaching abstinence prevents teen pregnancies. Let us avoid all cheap shots concerning the pregnancy of Governor Palin's 17 year old daughter, as common sense alone tells us that anyone who thinks that teaching abstinence will work wonderfully well is a little bit nuts.



Now, I'm not suggesting that it is impossible to make it through one's teenage years without ever having sex. For some of us, it was depressingly easy to achieve this. What I am suggesting is that, in a two horse race between a not quite 100% effective contraceptive device and the self control of a bunch of ecstacy popping teenagers huddling together for warmth in the middle of a cold Wasilla winter, I know where my money would be safest.



And the revelations have kept on coming since.



It turns out that Governor Palin couldn't quite make it through her first speech after becoming the presumptive nominee without telling lies about a bridge that no-one has ever heard of and which was never actually built.



Next, whilst I still refuse to make jokes about the teenage pregnancy thing, there is little that more clearly illustrates the McCain campaign's lack of background checking and general ignorance of all things internet-related than the MySpace antics of Governor Palin's future son in law.



If I quote The Age precisely, young Levi Johnson 'describes himself as a as a "f***in redneck" who likes to snowboard and ride dirt bikes'.



He helpfully adds "I don't want kids".



And he's still not done.


"I like to go camping and hang out with the boys, do some fishing, shoot some s- - - and just f - - -in' chillin' I guess," he wrote before his MySpace page was removed. "Ya f - - - with me I'll kick [your] ass."



How can this young man expect to support a wife and child when he can't even afford a fully functional keyboard?



My absolute favourite part of this story is the quote from his mother, also in The Age:



The boy's mother, Sherry Johnston, told Associated Press there had been no pressure put on her son to marry Miss Palin



Really? No pressure?





And still the fun kept coming on Monday, with reports that Governor Palin is a former member of the Alaska Independence Party.


This may not actually be true. From Wikipedia:



Alaska Governor Sarah Palin, the presumptive 2008 Republican Party nominee for Vice President of the United States, attended the state party's 2000 convention while she was still mayor of Wasilla. Lynnette Clark, the party's current chairwoman, also said that Palin attended the party's 1994 convention, a year after party patriarch Joe Vogler died, but the John McCain campaign denies this. Clark and other members also claimed Palin was actually a member of the party in the mid-1990s, but Alaska Division of Elections records show Palin has been a registered Republican since 1982. Palin recorded a message welcoming party members to its 2008 convention as Governor of Alaska.On September 2, 2008, the political website Talking Points Memo reported that Palin's husband, Todd, was a registered party member from 1995 through 2002.





Wikipedia also tells us that party founder Joe Vogler once announced "I'm an Alaskan, not an American. I've got no use for America or her damned institutions." I'm not sure this sentiment is going to help Governor Palin attract votes in the other 49 states.





It's impossible to learn that there is an Alaska Independence Party and not immediately want to find out more, so here's a few more fun facts from their official website.



Pretty much the first thing you will read there is that:



We are not affiliated with any political party with a similiar sounding name in other parts of the United States.



Yes, they really did say that.



The FAQ page is also quite the page turner. For example:



Q: Would I lose my U.S. citizenship?


A: Depending on the form of independence, several forms of citizenship would be possible, including the retention of U.S. citizenship or dual citizenship. However, considering the moral, educational, and economic decay of the U.S., Alaskans' who hold themselves to a higher standard might very well decide to at least maintain an arm's length distance from a country in decline.



Again, I'm not sure that one is going to play so well anywhere except Alaska. And since there are 111,526 registered Republicans and 66,218 registered Democrats in Alaska, I'm not sure that it quite counts as a battleground state. Just for the record, there are 13,542 registered members in the Alaska Independence Party, making it the state's third largest.



Still, it's nice to know that these people maintain some contact with reality. Question 2 on the FAQ page relevantly asks:



Q: Aren't most Alaskan Independence Party members a bunch of radicals and Kooks?


A: The party has its share of individualists, in the grand Alaskan tradition. No longer a fringe party, the A.I.P. is a viable third party with a serious mission and qualified candidates for elected offices.



I'm going to go out on a limb here and suggest that the party may have slightly more than its share of individualists, particularly since a number of members answer the question of what to do after seceding from the USA with a very simple solution.



Join Canada.



There is enough gold to last a lifetime on that website, but let's leave it there for now, except to note that Alaska has an Anthem. And yes, it will be found at the end of this post.

Really, it's not that bad a choice. There is something wonderfully encouraging, and utterly startling, about the Republicans choosing a woman with five children as their proposed VP instead of telling her to stay home and look after the kids. And the New York Times are complete punks for questioning whether it's responsible for a mother with a very young child to run for high political office. The First Dude will be home with the kids, which makes this no different to a man with a young child running for VP while his wife stays home, except that the New York Times appear to be too stupid to see that.

Certainly, we won't be using the choice of Governor Palin as a reason for questioning John McCain's judgment. No, we will question his judgment because he wanted to choose Senator Joseph Lieberman.

It's not exactly surprising that this was not popular with the Republican Party, given that Joe Lieberman has run for VP once before.

In 2000.

With Al Gore.

Had the Republican Primaries gone slightly differently that year, he would have been running against a Republican ticket headed by, yes, John McCain.

Senator Lieberman also contested the Democratic Primaries as recently as 2004, although it is possible that few people noticed, as he came pretty close to last, well behind John Kerry, Howard Dean, John Edwards and Cyril the pet pick who got entered by his stoned owner for a $10 bet.

None of this, however, is the real reason why Senator Lieberman should be kept as far from the Oval Office as possible. No, it's something he said during his (very) brief appearance in the 2004 Primaries. After gathering about 2% of the vote in New Hampshire, he announced that he was very optimistic about winning the nomination.

Why?

Because his campaign had "Joementum"

I swear I am simply not creative enough to make that up. He really, really said it.

Words fail me but not, saints be praised, half as much as they fail Senator Lieberman.

And so, as we sit back and wait to see what the Republicans do next, we present the musical stylings of Marie Drake and Elinor Dusenbury, writers of the finest anthem in all of Alaska:

Eight stars of gold on a field of blue

Alaska's flag. May it mean to you

The blue of the sea, the evening sky,

The mountain lakes, and the flow'rs nearby;

The gold of the early sourdough's dreams,

The precious gold of the hills and streams;

The brilliant stars in the northern sky,

The "Bear" the "Dipper" - and, shining high,

The great North Star with its steady light,

Over land and sea a beacon bright.

Alaska's flag - to Alaskans dear,The simple flag of a last frontier.



A Native lad chose the Dipper's stars

For Alaska's flag that there be no bars

Among our culture. Let it be known

Through years the Native's past has grown

To share life's treasures, hand in hand,

To keep Alaska our Great-Land;

We love the northern midnight sky,

The mountains, lakes and streams nearby.

The great North Star with its steady light

Will guide all cultures, clear and bright,

With nature's flag to Alaskans dear,

The simple flag of the last frontier.