Just when we thought there were no lows left...
Confirming again that I should never glance at the newspaper whichis being read by the person next to me on the bus, I found this story in the People's Paper. With only minor alterations, it said this:
ABOUT 6000 drug addicts and dealers would have their welfare payments "quarantined" under a re-elected Coalition Government.
Anyone convicted of a criminal drugs offence would lose control of their welfare payments for at least a year.
They would still be able to buy food and pay the bills, through the use of vouchers, but would not be able to get cash.
John Howard said yesterday taxpayers' money should not be used to buy drugs.
"We are the zero-tolerance Coalition when it comes to drugs," the PM said.
"It's not right that people should have control of taxpayer money when they have been convicted of such offences.
"This will mean they will not be able to spend the money on those sorts of drugs, or for that matter, alcohol or tobacco."
The policy would initially hit those involved with hard drugs, such as heroin, cocaine and ice. But it could be extended to the users of other drugs, including cannabis, in the second phase of the policy.
Under its Tough on Drugs election policy, the Coalition would also help addicts get back into the workforce by giving them higher levels of support under employment programs.
A spokesperson for halfway sane people everywhere, who didn't give his name except to mention in passing that it wasn't Craig, said:
"Much like absolutely all of this government's policies on drug, this one is absolute genius. It really is about time we took this approach.
"Independent study after independent study has shown that when a drug addict runs out of money, he or she would not even think of committing a burglary or an armed robbery to get money to spend on drugs. This is particularly true for long term users of speed and ice.
"Further, when researchers suggested this possibility, every single drug user surveyed was shocked by the very possibility that such a thing could even be hinted at.
"This research is strongly supportedby anecdotal evidence. In ten years of appearing on behalf of violent criminals, I can assure you that not one of them had ever used drugs. I guess they were just all born evil.
"With all the millions of dollars that this government is putting into top rate rehabilitation services, and those great ads aimed at parents of middle class kids, I'm utterly confident that six months from now no-one will be using drugs anyway.
"In case you are wondering, this sort of sarcasm is, indeed, the only thing that stops me from spiralling into a pit of the blackest despair when I realise that someone, somewhere, is so insanely disconnected from reality that they think this policy is a good idea and that person is, by an unfortunate coincidence, apparently writing the government's drugs policy."
"Okay, I'm done now. Fortunately, so is the government."
ABOUT 6000 drug addicts and dealers would have their welfare payments "quarantined" under a re-elected Coalition Government.
Anyone convicted of a criminal drugs offence would lose control of their welfare payments for at least a year.
They would still be able to buy food and pay the bills, through the use of vouchers, but would not be able to get cash.
John Howard said yesterday taxpayers' money should not be used to buy drugs.
"We are the zero-tolerance Coalition when it comes to drugs," the PM said.
"It's not right that people should have control of taxpayer money when they have been convicted of such offences.
"This will mean they will not be able to spend the money on those sorts of drugs, or for that matter, alcohol or tobacco."
The policy would initially hit those involved with hard drugs, such as heroin, cocaine and ice. But it could be extended to the users of other drugs, including cannabis, in the second phase of the policy.
Under its Tough on Drugs election policy, the Coalition would also help addicts get back into the workforce by giving them higher levels of support under employment programs.
A spokesperson for halfway sane people everywhere, who didn't give his name except to mention in passing that it wasn't Craig, said:
"Much like absolutely all of this government's policies on drug, this one is absolute genius. It really is about time we took this approach.
"Independent study after independent study has shown that when a drug addict runs out of money, he or she would not even think of committing a burglary or an armed robbery to get money to spend on drugs. This is particularly true for long term users of speed and ice.
"Further, when researchers suggested this possibility, every single drug user surveyed was shocked by the very possibility that such a thing could even be hinted at.
"This research is strongly supportedby anecdotal evidence. In ten years of appearing on behalf of violent criminals, I can assure you that not one of them had ever used drugs. I guess they were just all born evil.
"With all the millions of dollars that this government is putting into top rate rehabilitation services, and those great ads aimed at parents of middle class kids, I'm utterly confident that six months from now no-one will be using drugs anyway.
"In case you are wondering, this sort of sarcasm is, indeed, the only thing that stops me from spiralling into a pit of the blackest despair when I realise that someone, somewhere, is so insanely disconnected from reality that they think this policy is a good idea and that person is, by an unfortunate coincidence, apparently writing the government's drugs policy."
"Okay, I'm done now. Fortunately, so is the government."
posted by I'm not Craig at 9:54 PM
6 Comments:
Are you that confident? I am still worried about our fellow Oztrayuns not doing the right thing? However, if it is Kev 07 this time I have promised to party ALL NIGHT, which is a big deal for me.
What gets me most is the strong reek of 'tell the voters what they want to hear'
The Libs must know this just every kind of wrong, Johnie's an evil little tosser but he's not stupid, so obviously he's confident that the voting public are exactly that stupid, and short sighted and mean spirited....
*too despondant to type more*
INC,
I'm hoping they're going to ask for refunds of tax payer funded scholarships and support mechanisms to elite athletes found to be drug abusers. And while we're at it, let's not allow drug addicts in public hospitals, libraries, education facilities, or for that matter, public roads. That'll learn them.
Leilani,
As long as we don't party like it's 1998 (when labor won the popular vote, but lost the election).
Leilani
I hardly dare to hope for fear of tempting fate. However, this may be the first time sicne I started voting that I will get to enjoy both the lead up to election night and the result.
I loved the results in Keating v Hewson and Bracks v Kennett, but since both came as a complete shock to me I didn't enjoy the campaigns much.
This time it's all good.
Mizanthrop
I can't decide whether or not these idiots know this is a bad idea. I start to wonder whether after all these years the coalition has started to believe its own publicity (which, happily, is a large part of the reason for its imminent downfall.
Giggles
Absolutely. I would also recommend no more parliamentary super for drunk politicians, but I quite like Andrew Bartlett (even though he's no relatiuon to Jed) so I won't be pushing that one too far.
Also, I know 1998 is a worrying precedent, but even these bastards can;t win an election with 46% of the two party preferred vote.
It's well and truly Gough time, folks.
Man I'd love supersarcasm to be a widely accepted journalistic style.
INC, is "Meh, I was off my nut" a common excuse?" Do you then translate that you "Your Honour, my client is probably not bright."
Adam
They assume that 'my client is not that bright'. Remember, these are the people whose crimes are so detectable that the Victorian Police can figure it out.
As for "I was off my nut", one of the fabulous things about our laws is that this is actually a complete defence so long as one is so completely off one's nut that one had no idea what one was doing.
Suggesting to a police officer that charges should be dropped on this basis is one of the most fun things I have ever done. Why? Because the dude in question was charged with drink driving.
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