Ever feel like you're being conn(ex)ed?
Recent reports of violence at train stations got me to thinking again about just how stupid Connex must think we are. They ran an actual advertising campaign to promote their ‘safety zones’ at train stations. For those unfamiliar with the concept, a safety zone is a small area of the platform marked in yellow paint with the words “safety zone” in large letters.
I was not sure how this safety zone would assist me if I was being chased by a chromed out balaclava wearing knifewielding crackhead* who had his own particular view on Locke’s concept of the end of property as it relates specifically to my wallet, so I went to the relevant websites and found this:
Safety Zones
Selected Connex Train Stations are trialling a new initiative called 'Safety Zones' to help passengers feel safe when travelling on public transport.
The new initiative is part of a series of programs, which will be integrated throughout the system.
The 'Safety Zone' will be outlined by station signage and clear markings on the ground. The specified areas will be well lit and located within reach of the emergency buttons, which are present at all Connex stations. Most importantly, these areas receive comprehensive video surveillance throughout operational hours.
Safety Zones will be clearly marked so passengers will be able to identify their 'Safety Zone' easily when arriving at a platform.
The 'Safety Zone' program is part of a push to improve security and safety at Connex stations and on Connex trains.
And also this:
Safety at stations
All stations are equipped with CCTV camera coverage of platforms and station entrances. This footage is monitored by control room staff located at Premium Stations.
All non-staffed stations have communication links to these control rooms via the emergency button. By using this link passengers and staff can communicate directly to staff in the control room who are equipped to deal with incidents.
Yellow safety zones are also being trialled and are located on platforms. By standing in the designated intercom system area you will be within reach of the emergency button and will be in full view of the CCTV camera.
While Connex is unable to staff all stations, their customer service employees and Safe Travel Staff along with Victoria Police Transit Safety Division officers and local police pay regular visits to all stations.
Lighting of stations and car parks has also been improved.
A strong visual presence is the best way to reassure passengers, and provide a deterrent for anti-social behavior.
I love that last statement, and that they apparently really do believe that a strong viausl presence is best achieved by yellow lines rather than actual staff at stations.
No, these people are not being paid to write great comedy, although that seems to be the end result.
So, to summarise the benefits of safety zones:
Whilst being chased by the aforementioned chromed out knife wielding wallet coveting maniac:
1. I can ensure that the event is captured on camera, so I can sell the footage to some inappropriate but irritatingly popular Australian “reality show”
2. I can also press a button and discuss my situation with some anonymous Connex staff member at an undisclosed location.
I would be better off if they just had a computer terminal and internet connection so I could post a question on Reasons You Will Hate Me. Something along the lines of “So, what’s up with chroming OUCH” or “Which is the nearest hospital to Balaclava Station kthxbye?”
At least that way I could be assured of getting a response by the following Friday.
3. I can stand between two yellow lines and announce that I am barley/protected by either the full weight and authority of Connex or an invisible forcefield, whichever is more convincing/ in every respect as safe as someone who has just been told to stand over there by Andrew G.
Wow that advertising campaign was money well spent. I AM CONVINCED
If Connex actually want to reduce fare evasion or persuade people to use public transport at all, perhaps they could spend less money on annoying advertising campaigns and more on having the odd staff member or two at stations like they used to in those terribly inefficient days before privatization. Money could also be usefully applied to running trains a little more often.
Just a thought.
*Or, as we call such a person in my line of work, a “valued client”
I was not sure how this safety zone would assist me if I was being chased by a chromed out balaclava wearing knifewielding crackhead* who had his own particular view on Locke’s concept of the end of property as it relates specifically to my wallet, so I went to the relevant websites and found this:
Safety Zones
Selected Connex Train Stations are trialling a new initiative called 'Safety Zones' to help passengers feel safe when travelling on public transport.
The new initiative is part of a series of programs, which will be integrated throughout the system.
The 'Safety Zone' will be outlined by station signage and clear markings on the ground. The specified areas will be well lit and located within reach of the emergency buttons, which are present at all Connex stations. Most importantly, these areas receive comprehensive video surveillance throughout operational hours.
Safety Zones will be clearly marked so passengers will be able to identify their 'Safety Zone' easily when arriving at a platform.
The 'Safety Zone' program is part of a push to improve security and safety at Connex stations and on Connex trains.
And also this:
Safety at stations
All stations are equipped with CCTV camera coverage of platforms and station entrances. This footage is monitored by control room staff located at Premium Stations.
All non-staffed stations have communication links to these control rooms via the emergency button. By using this link passengers and staff can communicate directly to staff in the control room who are equipped to deal with incidents.
Yellow safety zones are also being trialled and are located on platforms. By standing in the designated intercom system area you will be within reach of the emergency button and will be in full view of the CCTV camera.
While Connex is unable to staff all stations, their customer service employees and Safe Travel Staff along with Victoria Police Transit Safety Division officers and local police pay regular visits to all stations.
Lighting of stations and car parks has also been improved.
A strong visual presence is the best way to reassure passengers, and provide a deterrent for anti-social behavior.
I love that last statement, and that they apparently really do believe that a strong viausl presence is best achieved by yellow lines rather than actual staff at stations.
No, these people are not being paid to write great comedy, although that seems to be the end result.
So, to summarise the benefits of safety zones:
Whilst being chased by the aforementioned chromed out knife wielding wallet coveting maniac:
1. I can ensure that the event is captured on camera, so I can sell the footage to some inappropriate but irritatingly popular Australian “reality show”
2. I can also press a button and discuss my situation with some anonymous Connex staff member at an undisclosed location.
I would be better off if they just had a computer terminal and internet connection so I could post a question on Reasons You Will Hate Me. Something along the lines of “So, what’s up with chroming OUCH” or “Which is the nearest hospital to Balaclava Station kthxbye?”
At least that way I could be assured of getting a response by the following Friday.
3. I can stand between two yellow lines and announce that I am barley/protected by either the full weight and authority of Connex or an invisible forcefield, whichever is more convincing/ in every respect as safe as someone who has just been told to stand over there by Andrew G.
Wow that advertising campaign was money well spent. I AM CONVINCED
If Connex actually want to reduce fare evasion or persuade people to use public transport at all, perhaps they could spend less money on annoying advertising campaigns and more on having the odd staff member or two at stations like they used to in those terribly inefficient days before privatization. Money could also be usefully applied to running trains a little more often.
Just a thought.
*Or, as we call such a person in my line of work, a “valued client”
posted by I'm not Craig at 3:48 AM
9 Comments:
Is the safety zone safe because it has yellow lines? Would it be safe if the lines were green?
Maybe if we paint yellow lines around our foreshores we will then be safe from invading hordes of criminals/refugees/foreign dignitaries.
Connex are such fools. Spending their hard won cash (please step off the train with us sir) on yellow safety zones is ridiculous. Clearly they could spend heaps less on cameras and paint if they just advertise that train stations as a whole are considered "Barley" therefore making them safe from people chasing you, tigging you, saying you have 10,20,30,40,50 girlfriends and I assume stabbing/raping/pillaging you.
I doubt that you would be able to sell the video footage of your attack to any program. Connex no doubt own the rights to the footage. Your use of the trains, standing on the platform in the well lit yellow area with such fabulous cinematographic equipment capturing your best angles must be implied consent to being the star of your own reality video footage. All rights Connex!
Maybe you could encourage a movement. We could all dress up in a mock Connex uniform, stand in the safe zone and wave widly at their cameras until something happens.
Even better if we could get a few volunteers to act as the balaclava wearing knifewielding crackheads.
Adam,
This is further complicated by the fact that it's not officially barley unless you yell BARLEY!!!!! at the top of your voice, which possibly isn't very helpful in making you an inconspicuous non-target of violence/pillage/theft/busking.
Also I have it on good authority that most muggers have scant regard for the well-established rules of barley.
AS an aside, is it possible that "Balaclava" could be construed as a call to arms as opposed to a sedate eastern suburb? If this is at all possible, I advise we launch a claim to rename it 'Baklava' IMMEDIATELY.
aaaah, Baklava. Mmmmmmmmm.
Everyone who comments on this blog is funnier than me. I've noticed this before.
The word verifiction for this was "omiouja", which is also funnier than the actual post, or this comment.
That's why where here, to give the punters something to actually read.
Adam
You're right, of course. I only post stuff to give you all a topic to work with.
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