More stuff about me. Seriously?
I should learn to be clearer about when I am just being flippant and/or rhetorical. When I asked what else you wanted to know about me at the end of the previous post, I didn’t expect anyone to actually send in any questions. However, the brilliant and wonderful Sharpatootha sent a list of questions that amused me greatly and made me very happy, so the least I can do is answer them. Honey Bear also answered some of the questions for me. We decided to post both sets of answers, for the sheer hell of it.
And then the questions kept coming. And so do the answers. However, I should point out that this is the one time I’m going to do this, otherwise the whole thing will turn into a deeply narcissistic knock off of Ms Fits’ now legendary Friday questions and nobody wants to see that.
So, to Sharpatootha’s questions:
Who are you, if you aren't Craig?
I am some utterly-not-famous-for-anything guy who lives in the south east suburbs of Melbourne, works for a firm you would not have heard of, loves his wife and children to distraction and wishes nearly every day that he had put more effort into coming up with an online identity.
Who is Craig?
Craig is one of my closest friends in the world. We met in Year 7 and we have been friends ever since, apart from the first six months when we irritated each other quite a lot. Craig was the best man at our wedding (another regular commenter on this blog was our bridesmaid) and his speech was as funny as anything I have ever heard at a wedding. People are still talking about it.
Why is He so special?
He was the inspiration for the game of “You’re not Craig” and hence, indirectly, the inspiration for my online name
Can you not be Laura for once?
I am constantly not Laura, but if I start listing everyone who I am not it will get tedious. For example, I am not George Bush, Steve Fielding, Pat Rafter, Andrew Denton, Jennifer Byrne and SEE IT’S ALREADY GETTING BORING AND NOT VERY FUNNY.
This whole shebang is confounding me, let's just go have a sit down.
Will you have a sit down with me? What about a ginger snap?
A sit down and a ginger snap sounds wonderful. Are you free next weekend? If so, feel free to drop in for coffee and cake one afternoon. Let me know when’s good for you and I’ll see if Craig is free to join us.
How did you find your Honeybear?
I just walked into the foyer of the Echuca Magistrates Court and there she was. I am forever indebted to the colleague who introduced us, and then phoned me six weeks later to tell me to hurry up and ring her. I did and the rest is a very happy piece of history.
When does the Official Soundtrack of HoneyBear: The Musical get released?
This may take a while. And, since I am one of the original cast members of this musical, it will feature some of the dodgiest singing since the cast of Buffy released “Once More With Feeling”
Can I help with some artwork actionz?
Of course. The involvement of someone with the mad graphic design skillz would be most welcome.
Have you found new work yet?
No
Is it far away?
I continue to believe that it is just around the corner. However, I may need to meet God half way and send out some more applications.
Do you like my new shoes?
I think they are winning. However, I know very little about women’s shoes so perhaps all such queries are best directed to Ms Batville.
What's your favourite book?
I think it is currently “The Sunne in Splendor” by Sharon Penman. Epic is an overused word, but this sweeping story of the last years of the War of the Roses (the period in English history, not the ridiculous film starring Danny DeVito) is simply amazing.
Did you ever indulge in The Hamburger?
I have indulged in many hamburgers, but never “The Hamburger”
Have you ever been sued for making innocent game-players eat off 'hamburgers'?
No, thanks to a combination of good luck and mad legal skillz.
Do you drink grog?
Hell yes, and lots of it. Despite spending a few years living in a town where rum in a can was the drink of choice, these days I tend to go for a cheapish but nice semillon chardonnay or a good cab sav. And, of course, when the budget stretches to it, a large bottle of gin and a straw.
Where's the best place to eat dinner?
If you don’t mind the drive, the best dinner I have had in recent years was at Bungalow Thai, conveniently located about 4 km north of Yarrawonga. I am entirely serious when I say that, despite the place looking like a such a complete dive that we nearly didn’t go in (they’re not kidding about the Bungalow), the chef, who moved there from Thailand a couple of years ago, is an absolute genius and they serve the best Thai food I have found anywhere in the country.
If you are looking for somewhere closer to home, I recommend:
For the second best Thai food in the country, Royal Siam in Kew Junction
For Chinese food, the Dragon Boat in Chinatown
For Greek food, Pireas Blue in Brunswick Street, Fitzroy
And for vegetarians, the Veggie Bar, also in Brunswick Street, is an old favourite. The stuffed mushrooms are excellent.
And Honey Bear said…
Who are you, if you aren't Craig?
My fabulous, sweet, hot, perfect man
[Yes, she really wrote this - INC]
Can you not be Laura for once?
I don’t think I can picture him as Laura, although….
This whole shebang is confounding me, let's just go have a sit down.
Will you have a sit down with me?
A sit down sounds grand. He is passionate about good wine, ginger snaps (although we’re lacking a good source for these and suggestions would be welcome) our gorgeous bumpkins and, well, me!
How did you find your Honeybear?
He found me coz I didn’t give him a choice! Once I laid eyes on him, I never let him go, apart from the first six weeks when I was waiting to see how long it would take him to ring me. Luckily, with some prompting, he eventually did and here we are…
When does the Official Soundtrack of HoneyBear: The Musical get released?
If you are really well behaved, Honey Bear the Musical will NEVER be released. However, if you’re bad, there’s always the threat.
Where's the best place to eat dinner?
I’d have to agree with INC on the best place to eat out. Fabulously good thai food, unpretentious and affordable too. Inconvenient location though.
I hope this goes some way to unconfounding you. If not, may I suggest another chardonnay? Or, as Ms Batville would suggest, bring on the gin.
Adam said
Wait, was the hamburger meat uncooked and they still ate it? Eurgh! That's gross.
For a start, "meat" is ambitious. Anyway, it was one of those frozen ‘just microwave it for 3 minutes’ type deals so the meat like substance had been pre-cooked. And it was gross
Are you really going to get Craig's permission? But won't he then know about this blog? What if he shuts you down?
Craig hasn’t rung me back (the slacker) so this blog is safe for now and also I’ve been pretty vague on the details I’ve posted about him. I doubt that Craig would shut this thing down although he’s an IT kungfu master so he probably could. It’s more likely that my name would suddenly change to I’m not Beverley or similar.
I think we’re likely to be in more trouble if Tom Cochrane ever finds out about this blog
Is anyone else nervous?
Yes, apparently
Giggle wick said
Yes Adam, very nervous
See?
Harpo said
Perhaps there are twists that can be added to the fundamental idea:
Search For The Slurpee
Collect The Cauliflower
Pick Up The Pappadums
This amused me greatly, although how one would collect the component parts of a Slurpee is beyond me. Pick up the Pappadums in particular has a most pleasing ring to it.
I have a question to add to Sharpatootha's list though: you mention that this game has only ever been played twice — I'm staggered it got a second go. How did you get away with it a second time?!
I got away with it because I was running the youth group so I could get away with pretty much anything. The second round, many months after the first, was in fact promoted as the state championship, as another youth group from Melbourne was visiting our little town.
I probably could have said world championship, but that would have been overdoing it a little.
The real question is what sort of mad people would continue to allow me to run a youth group after the first round of that game. Then again, there were only two of us running it and the other person involved was responsible for the infamous banana sculpting incident, so I wasn’t doing too badly. In hindsight, we should have had the occasional planning meeting.
Gigglewick said
Do you know any of the people who comment on your blog in the real world (i.e. not the internerd)?
I like to tell people that I went to school with Ms Fits and Bevis, but I’m a few years older than both of them and I’m pretty sure I have never met them in real life. I just like to imply that we may have met because it makes me seem way cooler
My lovely Honey Bear reads this stuff, and there is one pretty frequent commenter on this blog who is a good friend of both of us. She also knows Craig.
I don’t think I know the rest of the regular commenters (although how could I tell since none of us use our real names or photos of ourselves) but I know my cousin in Perth has read this blog at least once because he emailed me to say thanks for the nice comments about his family when I posted about my trip to Perth.
Does that make it weirder or easier to blog?
It doesn’t make it weird, or easy. I don’t think about it much. There’s nothing anywhere on this blog that I would want to keep from the people I know in real life, except that I don’t want my boss to know I’m job hunting.
However, now that my parents know about this blog, I’m fairly relieved that I decided from the outset to cut out the swears.
Also, I like the way that Craig has been imbued with a deified status in Sharpatootha's questions, does Craig indeed have some kind of Messiah-complex?
Craig has less of a messiah complex than just about anyone else I have ever met. However, I’m sure the level of interest in the “who is Craig question” and his newly acquired “Almost as famous as the ‘Where’s Wally’ guy” status will amuse him greatly
Okay, that was three questions.
And they were all excellent
And finally, Ms Batville said
Find the hamburger is almost up there with friends who invented "Figure 8" for some restless 10 year old boys on a school camp. That's right "Figure 8" was a game that involved doing as many runs in a figure 8 formation as was possible. Genius!
Yes, it is.
I'm all for "Official Soundtrack of HoneyBear: The Musical" - you could podcast it to a grateful world
A grateful world is currently feeling very relieved that I am far too stupid to ever work out how to podcast anything, particularly if it includes my singing.
Perhaps Honey Bear could release a solo record of selections from this musical. That would be worth distributing.
So there you have it folks. Even more stuff about me, and a surprising amount of additional information about Find the Hamburger. As ever, thanks for reading.
And then the questions kept coming. And so do the answers. However, I should point out that this is the one time I’m going to do this, otherwise the whole thing will turn into a deeply narcissistic knock off of Ms Fits’ now legendary Friday questions and nobody wants to see that.
So, to Sharpatootha’s questions:
Who are you, if you aren't Craig?
I am some utterly-not-famous-for-anything guy who lives in the south east suburbs of Melbourne, works for a firm you would not have heard of, loves his wife and children to distraction and wishes nearly every day that he had put more effort into coming up with an online identity.
Who is Craig?
Craig is one of my closest friends in the world. We met in Year 7 and we have been friends ever since, apart from the first six months when we irritated each other quite a lot. Craig was the best man at our wedding (another regular commenter on this blog was our bridesmaid) and his speech was as funny as anything I have ever heard at a wedding. People are still talking about it.
Why is He so special?
He was the inspiration for the game of “You’re not Craig” and hence, indirectly, the inspiration for my online name
Can you not be Laura for once?
I am constantly not Laura, but if I start listing everyone who I am not it will get tedious. For example, I am not George Bush, Steve Fielding, Pat Rafter, Andrew Denton, Jennifer Byrne and SEE IT’S ALREADY GETTING BORING AND NOT VERY FUNNY.
This whole shebang is confounding me, let's just go have a sit down.
Will you have a sit down with me? What about a ginger snap?
A sit down and a ginger snap sounds wonderful. Are you free next weekend? If so, feel free to drop in for coffee and cake one afternoon. Let me know when’s good for you and I’ll see if Craig is free to join us.
How did you find your Honeybear?
I just walked into the foyer of the Echuca Magistrates Court and there she was. I am forever indebted to the colleague who introduced us, and then phoned me six weeks later to tell me to hurry up and ring her. I did and the rest is a very happy piece of history.
When does the Official Soundtrack of HoneyBear: The Musical get released?
This may take a while. And, since I am one of the original cast members of this musical, it will feature some of the dodgiest singing since the cast of Buffy released “Once More With Feeling”
Can I help with some artwork actionz?
Of course. The involvement of someone with the mad graphic design skillz would be most welcome.
Have you found new work yet?
No
Is it far away?
I continue to believe that it is just around the corner. However, I may need to meet God half way and send out some more applications.
Do you like my new shoes?
I think they are winning. However, I know very little about women’s shoes so perhaps all such queries are best directed to Ms Batville.
What's your favourite book?
I think it is currently “The Sunne in Splendor” by Sharon Penman. Epic is an overused word, but this sweeping story of the last years of the War of the Roses (the period in English history, not the ridiculous film starring Danny DeVito) is simply amazing.
Did you ever indulge in The Hamburger?
I have indulged in many hamburgers, but never “The Hamburger”
Have you ever been sued for making innocent game-players eat off 'hamburgers'?
No, thanks to a combination of good luck and mad legal skillz.
Do you drink grog?
Hell yes, and lots of it. Despite spending a few years living in a town where rum in a can was the drink of choice, these days I tend to go for a cheapish but nice semillon chardonnay or a good cab sav. And, of course, when the budget stretches to it, a large bottle of gin and a straw.
Where's the best place to eat dinner?
If you don’t mind the drive, the best dinner I have had in recent years was at Bungalow Thai, conveniently located about 4 km north of Yarrawonga. I am entirely serious when I say that, despite the place looking like a such a complete dive that we nearly didn’t go in (they’re not kidding about the Bungalow), the chef, who moved there from Thailand a couple of years ago, is an absolute genius and they serve the best Thai food I have found anywhere in the country.
If you are looking for somewhere closer to home, I recommend:
For the second best Thai food in the country, Royal Siam in Kew Junction
For Chinese food, the Dragon Boat in Chinatown
For Greek food, Pireas Blue in Brunswick Street, Fitzroy
And for vegetarians, the Veggie Bar, also in Brunswick Street, is an old favourite. The stuffed mushrooms are excellent.
And Honey Bear said…
Who are you, if you aren't Craig?
My fabulous, sweet, hot, perfect man
[Yes, she really wrote this - INC]
Can you not be Laura for once?
I don’t think I can picture him as Laura, although….
This whole shebang is confounding me, let's just go have a sit down.
Will you have a sit down with me?
A sit down sounds grand. He is passionate about good wine, ginger snaps (although we’re lacking a good source for these and suggestions would be welcome) our gorgeous bumpkins and, well, me!
How did you find your Honeybear?
He found me coz I didn’t give him a choice! Once I laid eyes on him, I never let him go, apart from the first six weeks when I was waiting to see how long it would take him to ring me. Luckily, with some prompting, he eventually did and here we are…
When does the Official Soundtrack of HoneyBear: The Musical get released?
If you are really well behaved, Honey Bear the Musical will NEVER be released. However, if you’re bad, there’s always the threat.
Where's the best place to eat dinner?
I’d have to agree with INC on the best place to eat out. Fabulously good thai food, unpretentious and affordable too. Inconvenient location though.
I hope this goes some way to unconfounding you. If not, may I suggest another chardonnay? Or, as Ms Batville would suggest, bring on the gin.
Adam said
Wait, was the hamburger meat uncooked and they still ate it? Eurgh! That's gross.
For a start, "meat" is ambitious. Anyway, it was one of those frozen ‘just microwave it for 3 minutes’ type deals so the meat like substance had been pre-cooked. And it was gross
Are you really going to get Craig's permission? But won't he then know about this blog? What if he shuts you down?
Craig hasn’t rung me back (the slacker) so this blog is safe for now and also I’ve been pretty vague on the details I’ve posted about him. I doubt that Craig would shut this thing down although he’s an IT kungfu master so he probably could. It’s more likely that my name would suddenly change to I’m not Beverley or similar.
I think we’re likely to be in more trouble if Tom Cochrane ever finds out about this blog
Is anyone else nervous?
Yes, apparently
Giggle wick said
Yes Adam, very nervous
See?
Harpo said
Perhaps there are twists that can be added to the fundamental idea:
Search For The Slurpee
Collect The Cauliflower
Pick Up The Pappadums
This amused me greatly, although how one would collect the component parts of a Slurpee is beyond me. Pick up the Pappadums in particular has a most pleasing ring to it.
I have a question to add to Sharpatootha's list though: you mention that this game has only ever been played twice — I'm staggered it got a second go. How did you get away with it a second time?!
I got away with it because I was running the youth group so I could get away with pretty much anything. The second round, many months after the first, was in fact promoted as the state championship, as another youth group from Melbourne was visiting our little town.
I probably could have said world championship, but that would have been overdoing it a little.
The real question is what sort of mad people would continue to allow me to run a youth group after the first round of that game. Then again, there were only two of us running it and the other person involved was responsible for the infamous banana sculpting incident, so I wasn’t doing too badly. In hindsight, we should have had the occasional planning meeting.
Gigglewick said
Do you know any of the people who comment on your blog in the real world (i.e. not the internerd)?
I like to tell people that I went to school with Ms Fits and Bevis, but I’m a few years older than both of them and I’m pretty sure I have never met them in real life. I just like to imply that we may have met because it makes me seem way cooler
My lovely Honey Bear reads this stuff, and there is one pretty frequent commenter on this blog who is a good friend of both of us. She also knows Craig.
I don’t think I know the rest of the regular commenters (although how could I tell since none of us use our real names or photos of ourselves) but I know my cousin in Perth has read this blog at least once because he emailed me to say thanks for the nice comments about his family when I posted about my trip to Perth.
Does that make it weirder or easier to blog?
It doesn’t make it weird, or easy. I don’t think about it much. There’s nothing anywhere on this blog that I would want to keep from the people I know in real life, except that I don’t want my boss to know I’m job hunting.
However, now that my parents know about this blog, I’m fairly relieved that I decided from the outset to cut out the swears.
Also, I like the way that Craig has been imbued with a deified status in Sharpatootha's questions, does Craig indeed have some kind of Messiah-complex?
Craig has less of a messiah complex than just about anyone else I have ever met. However, I’m sure the level of interest in the “who is Craig question” and his newly acquired “Almost as famous as the ‘Where’s Wally’ guy” status will amuse him greatly
Okay, that was three questions.
And they were all excellent
And finally, Ms Batville said
Find the hamburger is almost up there with friends who invented "Figure 8" for some restless 10 year old boys on a school camp. That's right "Figure 8" was a game that involved doing as many runs in a figure 8 formation as was possible. Genius!
Yes, it is.
I'm all for "Official Soundtrack of HoneyBear: The Musical" - you could podcast it to a grateful world
A grateful world is currently feeling very relieved that I am far too stupid to ever work out how to podcast anything, particularly if it includes my singing.
Perhaps Honey Bear could release a solo record of selections from this musical. That would be worth distributing.
So there you have it folks. Even more stuff about me, and a surprising amount of additional information about Find the Hamburger. As ever, thanks for reading.
posted by I'm not Craig at 10:17 PM
15 Comments:
Excellent post! ;) Nice to see the Honey Bear getting in on the act as well. Honey Bear, do you have a blog? If not, why not? Will you be making one? ;)
Thanks for answering my questions....
Ms Batville's game reminds me of a game we used to play as kids called "record players", which basically involved running in circles at the edge of the water on the beach. The idea was that the circle had to be the right size so you could keep running and never get wet, although we frequently did.
I hadn't thought about that, or realised how lame it was until Ms Batville shared 'Figure 8'. Although apparently it's also genetic, because I have seen Grizzlewick play the same game. Safe to say that our MENSA applications aren't waiting at home in the mailbox.
Oh, and it was called "record players" because we went around in circles. Der.
Goodness INC&HB! What a simply marvelous job you did as answering all my silly questions. That'll teach you for being flippant! Although, I suspect it was less of a hardship, and more of a juicy way to razzle dazzle up your spiffy blog with some GOLD material! GOLD GOLD GOLD.
I'll be peeking in to Pireas Blue sometime soon. You're the 2nd blogger to suggest that place.
Ginger snap wise: I'd be happy to whip some up for you and yours one day and have a very civilised cup of lovely and perhaps a few very uncivilised glasses of cheeky and then maybe some bucketfuls of oh-golly. Although, I've never actually made ginger snaps, so I'm a complete fraud. But I could make scones, which are nicer anyway. Even better is my flourless chocolate cake.
Can you give us edited highlights of Craig's Very Funny Speech that will make all of us anonymous blogger giggle? Is Craig single? OMG CRAIG OMG
(and oi, I liked Buffy The Musical. shh)
What an awesome post.
I don't think the young and delightful HoneyBear needs her own blog, I quite enjoy her very excellent comments on this one.
I also quite liked Buffy The Musical. I watched it 3 times because I liked it so. I will admit that the singing was on the dodgier side but surely everyone can admit that the choreography Wasn't Too Shabby.
A small confession, INC was totally into Buffy the Musical. And he's proud of it! But then, I thought it was very cool, so who am I to criticise?
And thanks to Adam for the ongoing votes of confidence! Flattery is always Much Appreciated!
Snoskred
We are yet to persuade The Honey Bear to start a blog. But we will persist.
Incidentally, I watched the first episode of the new season of The OC last night (it's a favourite guilty pleasure at our place). The soundtrack heavily featured Placebo's version of "Running up that Hill". Thought you should know.
Giggles
I suspect I will be teaching my children to play "record players" soon.
As the inventor of Find the Hamburger, I don't expect to hear from MENSA any time soon either.
Sharpatootha
It was no hardship at all. The questions were GOLD but I'll leave others to decide on whether the answers fit that description.
Ginger snaps, scones and flourless chocolate cake. Sounds divine.
Edited highlights of Craig's Very Funny Speech may be the subject of a future post (although it was mostly the delivery that made it funny).
And yes, Craig is single.
Adam (and Sharpatootha)
I too liked Buffy the Musical. In fact, my exact words to Honey Bear at the end of that episode were "Oh my goodness that might be the best hour of television I have ever seen".
I was entirely serious. Who cares if the singing was dodgy, the whole thing was genius.
I have watched it many more times since and I still love it, to the point where I once announced in a meeting at work that "I've got a theory, it could be bunnies".
There was a confused silence.
i have just seen this magnificent post, but it will have to wait as i go to bed NOW.
and the previous hamburger one.
will return and read.
keep up the good blog work, comrade.
Ok I'll ask, not because I am single but because I know others want to know.. is Craig cute?
Refer to the Honey Bear if you can't quite decide.. :) & Thanks for the info re the OC and Placebo.. :)
I'm hopeful she will be convinced soon.. blogging is an addiction, I have found.. so is reading blogs!
MG
Welcome back, comrade.
*dances the dance of happiness*
Snoskred
Yes, very cute, and also one of the funniest gus in the world.
It is mystifying that this man is still single.
Um, that should be "funniest guys", which is much easier than being one of the funniest gus, because first you would have to find out what a gu is.
I'm going to bed now...
*stands around nonchalantly waiting for someone actually called Craig, who is very cute, to bump into me and take me to Lily Black's to have a sneaky glass of something expensive*
ok i've caught up. i'll tell you what made me laugh, gigglewick's stream of consciousness questions. and then the answers.
and the hamburger game, and the survivor references.
i wonder if you know my bro? he was at the same school and like you is several years older than fits and bevie.
hmmmm. interesting.
how many years are we talking here?
and talking about kid games. when i was teaching primary school, my fave game was dead rats. the kids had to lie there on the floor (this was prep sort of stuff) and they were dead rats. and if they wriggled or moved, they were "out". the secret to this game was completely ignoring all the wriggling and then eventually some of them would even fall asleep and you were guaranteed of at least 20 minutes quiet time.
nice one.
you could even try it with a group of two i suspect.
but maybe you'd like to change the name to sleeping bears or something.
Sharpa,
We're working on it.
Melbs,
I have wondered before about whether I know your brother. I am two or three years older than Ms Fits & the B-Man (I finished school in 1991) and I have an older brother who went to that school too. So, it's entirely possible that I know your brother, or my brother knows your brother, or something.
I don't actually remember a guy called Melbourne Boy, but you never know. Maybe I knew him by some nickname?
I think the 'sleeping bears' game is going to become very popular around here...
he was melbourneGUY but there were some other handles he used as well.
handles. where did THAT cb-term come from?
wow.
he would be, then, still a few years older than you, as he turned 40 this year. so maybe your bro would know him.
i'm sure we're talking about the same school. it was pretty racey wasn't it?
nudge, nudge, wink, wink.
and i was thinking you should form a club. i love clubs. and the only people who can join are people whose names are not craig. and then the REAL craig could come and give talks on being someone called craig. it would rock.
I give 10 points to melbournegirl for that last suggestion.
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