'Action'
If these people insist on ignoring my "No junk mail" sign, the least I can do is to thank them for the vivid demonstration of their environmental credentials by giving them a little free publicity on this paper-free blog.
I refer of course to theabsolute banana breaths lovely folk from the local branch of the Victorian Liberal Party, who have given my letterbox a handy run down of their "Let's get Victoria Moving Again" plan. Unlikely to be particularly persuasive to those of us who like Victoria exactly where it is, but let's take a closer look, shall we?
The first thing I noticed about this little brochure, apart from the photo of Ted Ballieu looking inexplicably cross and pointing at nothing in particular, was the slogan:
* Stronger leader * Stronger team * Stronger 'Action' Plan*
The 'Action' plan plan gets mentioned precisely six times, and the word 'action' is always in inverted commas. Why?
And how do we determine if this is a stronger 'action' plan. Stronger than what? A plan with no inverted commas? If the goal was to emphasise that particular word, it's called underlining, look into it.
And just one further comment on the proof reading side of this thing. Since when is the phrase "on-time" hyphenated? Or the phrase "on-budget"?
I'm starting to realise why youcomplete chucklebutts dedicated servants of the public could not figure out a simple "No Junk Mail" sign. Apparently trying to shut down every school in the state last time you nutters wise and wonderful people were in power may have had some impact on literacy.
So, enough suspense, what exactly is involved in this 'action' plan? What are the issues that really matter to those who would govern us? There are four, apparently:
1. Greater security for [the local shopping centre].
This apparently means spending a surprising amount of money to install CCTV cameras. I'm not sure why, since the local shopping centre they are referring to is possibly the safest place in the world, unless a sausage falls on you when you are passing the deli or something.
I hate being filmed by CCTV cameras everywhere I go, and I have no interest in a government spending $150,000 to make this happen at my local shops.
2. Fixing traffic snarls in [a particular road somewhere near my house]
I love this one for two reasons. Firstly, the entire plan is to install a right turn arrow at one particular intersection. It already has one. Secondly, they go out of their way to assure us that this particular plan is "fully costed and budgeted".
3. Multi level carpark at [local train station that clearly does not need one as it already has a huge carpark]
Does this mean they should change their slogan to "Let's get Victoria parking again"?
And finally...
4. Supporting older motorists
By reinstating the $84.30 motor vehicle registration concession to pensioners.
This may get Victoria moving again, but if it means more pensioners driving on the local streets then Victoria is unlikely to be moving particularly fast or in a very consistent direction.
At least they will have somewhere to park.
On the off chance that anyone is convinced that the current government will be returned in a landslide and one should therefore vote for the Liberal party to "send a message to Steve Bracks" or some such sentiment, please bear in mind that the message you will be sending is along the lines of "We really want to be governed by idiots"
Authorised by I. N. Craig for the Life is a Highway Party, Melbourne.
I refer of course to the
The first thing I noticed about this little brochure, apart from the photo of Ted Ballieu looking inexplicably cross and pointing at nothing in particular, was the slogan:
* Stronger leader * Stronger team * Stronger 'Action' Plan*
The 'Action' plan plan gets mentioned precisely six times, and the word 'action' is always in inverted commas. Why?
And how do we determine if this is a stronger 'action' plan. Stronger than what? A plan with no inverted commas? If the goal was to emphasise that particular word, it's called underlining, look into it.
And just one further comment on the proof reading side of this thing. Since when is the phrase "on-time" hyphenated? Or the phrase "on-budget"?
I'm starting to realise why you
So, enough suspense, what exactly is involved in this 'action' plan? What are the issues that really matter to those who would govern us? There are four, apparently:
1. Greater security for [the local shopping centre].
This apparently means spending a surprising amount of money to install CCTV cameras. I'm not sure why, since the local shopping centre they are referring to is possibly the safest place in the world, unless a sausage falls on you when you are passing the deli or something.
I hate being filmed by CCTV cameras everywhere I go, and I have no interest in a government spending $150,000 to make this happen at my local shops.
2. Fixing traffic snarls in [a particular road somewhere near my house]
I love this one for two reasons. Firstly, the entire plan is to install a right turn arrow at one particular intersection. It already has one. Secondly, they go out of their way to assure us that this particular plan is "fully costed and budgeted".
3. Multi level carpark at [local train station that clearly does not need one as it already has a huge carpark]
Does this mean they should change their slogan to "Let's get Victoria parking again"?
And finally...
4. Supporting older motorists
By reinstating the $84.30 motor vehicle registration concession to pensioners.
This may get Victoria moving again, but if it means more pensioners driving on the local streets then Victoria is unlikely to be moving particularly fast or in a very consistent direction.
At least they will have somewhere to park.
On the off chance that anyone is convinced that the current government will be returned in a landslide and one should therefore vote for the Liberal party to "send a message to Steve Bracks" or some such sentiment, please bear in mind that the message you will be sending is along the lines of "We really want to be governed by idiots"
Authorised by I. N. Craig for the Life is a Highway Party, Melbourne.
posted by I'm not Craig at 8:58 PM
4 Comments:
Oh God.. don't hate me for saying this, but Victorians are always extremely scary on the roads. If I see a Vic numberplate, I tend to keep well away from them. I think they would have great success in other states if they ran a stop Victorians moving out of Victoria campaign.. ;) Close the borders, after all you've got everything you need down there, you don't need to drive interstate for any reason at all.
I mean, you have "Victoria - the place to be" on the numberplates so why the hell are you in NSW, SA or anywhere else for that matter? If it's the place to be, why not go back there and stop scaring the rest of Australia with your terrifying driving techniques? :) And good on you stealing that slogan from Frank Costanza on Seinfeld.. :) Probably Ten played that episode one too many times I think..
No offense intended to the Victorians, I'm just saying, you know.. and I'm not the only one, every person in Australia has sat behind a Vic car in another state and said "Well if it's the place to be, go back there and get the fsck out of my way!" am I right people? ;)
But mate, why do you have a no junk mail sign? I love junk mail! Catalogs are great, especially when they have cheap good stuff in them. I got rid of the no junk mail thing when we left the city because here there's not much in the way of shopping so you need to know what is going on, you *need* those catalogs to survive!
INCraig,
Liberals copywriting team = Bunnings staff.
Bunnings are also very, very proud users of the "inappropriate inverted commas"*.
When I am in Bunnings (which used to be frequently before I gave up on improving the home I rent), I am never far from a smack-to-the-head-of-the-nearest staffer, and here is why....
The swing tags on shelves at Bunnings are all helpfully decked out with several sets of "-" to describe things.
i.e. "hammer" "$6.95"
Are they being ironic? Facetious? Is it not actually a hammer, merely a hammer-like item that requires the use of the term "hammer"? GRRRRRRRRRRRR.
This is my gripe (as it is yours, and several of my friends) with the "action" plan. Are they having us on? Are they joking? Lulling us into a false sense of security? Is "action" the new way of disguising non-core promises?
I may not always be an observer of grammatical rules, but this is one thing that gives me the a-grade irrits.
GW
* Do you see what I did there?
Snoskred
Thank you for commenting on this post despite the recent post on yoru blog about not wanting to comment on political issues. And congratulations on not actually mentioning politics at all in your comment.
Gigglewick
I had never noticed that Bunnings were in on this "-" thing.
I first noticed the phenomenon of the inappropriate inverted comma at a Caravan Park in Warrnambool in 1991, (they had lots of signs up about what we were "not" allowed to do) so at least it has a long and distinguished history.
And most importantly, yes, I do see what you did there.
*applauds*
Are the people who write this stuff employees or volunteers? Is the work experience kid the most competent?
Mr Liberal Party, please replace all your promises with the following and you'll do just fine:
1.) All public announcements will proofread by someone 'not too shabby'.
2.) A free 97% Fat Free muffin for all old people!
3.) Probably won't do anything.
4.) Will read and respond to every letter sent to us.
Man, I'm so smart.
Snoskred, that's so weird.
Victorians totally do the same thing. I try and be patient with NSW number plates but I do get over the slowness and cluelessness after a bit - and Tasmanian number plates are hardcore scary drivers.
I think you are right though, a lot of older Victorians drive up the coast chasing the warmer weather and so yes, they would be the most scary.
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