NCA
Sometimes a comment comes along that is so good it deserves it’s own post.
This one was from Melbourne Girl a week or two ago:
I was thinking you should form a club. I love clubs. And the only people who can join are people whose names are not Craig. And then the REAL Craig could come and give talks on being someone called Craig. It would rock.
The more I think about that, the funnier it gets. So, how would it work?
Since this club would mostly be made up of bloggers and we all like to keep our true identities secret, I plan to call this club Not Craig Anonymous. Sure, opening the meeting by saying “Hi, I’m I’m not Craig and I’m ‘not Craig’” would be faintly absurd, but well worth the effort.
The agenda for the first meeting will look something like this:
1. Each attendee talks for five minutes on our own experiences of not being Craig
2. We all sit back and enjoy the keynote address from Craig
3. We finish the evening by applying what we have learned to a rousing game of “You’re not Craig”
“You’re not Craig” is a game that a few of my friends and I invented many years ago whilst trying to find Craig in a crowd of people outside a cinema. We could not help but notice just how many people in the world were not Craig.
The aim of the game is to find a person who is not only not Craig but is as unlike Craig as possible. For example, if you find a woman with long red hair who can’t play soccer for toffee and utterly lacks the mad trombone skillz, you achieve a fairly impressively high score. We planned to create a board game, complete with a large picture of Craig for reference.
This idea never really got off the ground. The problem came in the early testing stage because I usually played this game against Craig. This was not a good strategy, because it usually went something like this:
INC: You’re not Craig
Craig: Yes I am
INC: Drat and botheration. No points. Okay, it's your turn
Craig: You’re not Craig
INC: He’s got me there
Craig: I win again
This game is possibly far more fun if you are not playing against the person it is named after. It’s too late to find out, though. Now that my entire identity is based on not being Craig, anyone who finds me achieves the maximum possible score and becomes the “You’re not Craig” champion of the world.
Anyway, back to the first meeting of Not Craig Anonymous. I don’t think I could actually convince Craig to speak at this event, so we need to find a guest speaker who is called Craig, preferably one who is well known and who will not, when told about the nature of the event he is being invited to speak at, scream “What sort of nut organized this event” and run away in a panic.
Perhaps I should think about this a little more carefully.
This one was from Melbourne Girl a week or two ago:
I was thinking you should form a club. I love clubs. And the only people who can join are people whose names are not Craig. And then the REAL Craig could come and give talks on being someone called Craig. It would rock.
The more I think about that, the funnier it gets. So, how would it work?
Since this club would mostly be made up of bloggers and we all like to keep our true identities secret, I plan to call this club Not Craig Anonymous. Sure, opening the meeting by saying “Hi, I’m I’m not Craig and I’m ‘not Craig’” would be faintly absurd, but well worth the effort.
The agenda for the first meeting will look something like this:
1. Each attendee talks for five minutes on our own experiences of not being Craig
2. We all sit back and enjoy the keynote address from Craig
3. We finish the evening by applying what we have learned to a rousing game of “You’re not Craig”
“You’re not Craig” is a game that a few of my friends and I invented many years ago whilst trying to find Craig in a crowd of people outside a cinema. We could not help but notice just how many people in the world were not Craig.
The aim of the game is to find a person who is not only not Craig but is as unlike Craig as possible. For example, if you find a woman with long red hair who can’t play soccer for toffee and utterly lacks the mad trombone skillz, you achieve a fairly impressively high score. We planned to create a board game, complete with a large picture of Craig for reference.
This idea never really got off the ground. The problem came in the early testing stage because I usually played this game against Craig. This was not a good strategy, because it usually went something like this:
INC: You’re not Craig
Craig: Yes I am
INC: Drat and botheration. No points. Okay, it's your turn
Craig: You’re not Craig
INC: He’s got me there
Craig: I win again
This game is possibly far more fun if you are not playing against the person it is named after. It’s too late to find out, though. Now that my entire identity is based on not being Craig, anyone who finds me achieves the maximum possible score and becomes the “You’re not Craig” champion of the world.
Anyway, back to the first meeting of Not Craig Anonymous. I don’t think I could actually convince Craig to speak at this event, so we need to find a guest speaker who is called Craig, preferably one who is well known and who will not, when told about the nature of the event he is being invited to speak at, scream “What sort of nut organized this event” and run away in a panic.
Perhaps I should think about this a little more carefully.
posted by I'm not Craig at 7:41 AM
13 Comments:
None of my names involve the name Craig, so I reckon I could be a member.
And I vote for Daniel Craig to give the keynote address. I then I bags taking him home.
As long as it's not Michael Craig, curmudgeonly doctor of GP fame.
But then, I think possibly he might be dead.
Brilliant. Craig Lowndes? Craig McDermott? Jenny Craig?
However I recall that there was some plan afoot at one stage to get The Original Craig (tm) to “bump into” Sharpatootha. How did that exciting story pan out? Perhaps there's another club we could start. Not Craig But Hope He Hooks Up Anonymous.
I think this is getting wierd.
no more thinking about it, i'm not craig.
MAKE IT HAPPEN.
you have the power.
and the keynote speaker, who is not the real craig, but another craig, could be craig mclaughlan. i do believe he's available.
but really, i think you need to put the idea to craig, and then make a post about how THAT goes.
does he even know about this blog? and your handle.
rubberducky.
whenever i say handle i have to say something like CQ CQ.
it just happens.
I will move to Melbourne to join this club.
My name is Adam and I've been not Craig for 10,003 days now.
"Hi Adam."
I remember the first day I realised I wasn't Craig, I was at the shop and ....
*sobs*
"Ohhhhhhhhhh - you poor thing."
The real test of the club's coolness though will be whether the original Craig CHANGES HIS NAME, JUST TO BECOME A MEMBER.
Then, INCraig, your victory will be complete.
Hi everyone
This blog is experiencing technical difficulties (my in-laws are visiting and they sleep in the same room as the computer) so I will respond properly to all your wonderful comments, and possibly post something new, early-ish next week.
Have a great weekend and Gigglewick, don't panic, the Liberals are not going to win.
Happy re-election day y'all
INC
Oh thank god you said craig mclaughlan, melbournegirl. That was the only craig I could think of and I agree, I'm sure he's available for talking about himself.
This club sounds spectacular.
Oh my goodness, Craig McLachlan is the only other Craig I could think of too, and thus, ought to be the Craig who talks to us about all things cultish and hows-it-garn in the Craigsosphere™.
Although, I just read on his site * that he is off shooting a film in Mexico, so we might have to hook up some kind of teleconference thing with video and some wacky internet fandangles. I dunno..I hear the kids can do some crazy things these days.
*christ.. did I just link to Craig McLachlan? ffs
Sharpatootha, you've changed... in the old days you would never linked to the singer of Mona.
yes, its true adam, I've fallen on tough times.. it's the drought we had to have, after all.
but hey adam, look at this gold:
Tell you Mona what I wanna do (tell you Mona what I wanna do)
Ill build a house next door to you (Ill build a house next to you)
Can I see you sometime (can I see you sometime)
We can go kissing through the blind
When you come out on the front (ooh-ooh)
Listen to my heart go bumpity bump
I need you baby and thats no lie (ooh-ooh)
Without your love Id surely die
Hey Mona (ooh-ooh)
Ooh Mona (ooh-ooh)
Hey Mona (ooh-ooh)
Ooh Mona (ooh-ooh)
I said hey Mona (ooh-ooh)
Ooh Mona (ooh-ooh)
Hey Mona (ooh-ooh)
Ooh Mona (ooh-ooh)
I said hey Mona (ooh-ooh)
Ooh Mona (ooh-ooh)
I said hey, hey Mona
I think that speaks for itself..
The great thing about that song is that Craig McLachlan didn't even have the talent to come up with his own song.
But then, neither did Kylie Minogue.
Is it just me, or is there something sinister about a song that uses the phrase "bumpity bump"?
Meva
If you can organize that, he’s all yours
Gigglewick
I have no idea who Michael Craig is. Sorry to hear he’s possibly dead.
Harpo
I have passed on Sharpatootha’s comments to Craig and now I am going to let those two crazy kids work it out from here.
It is very generous of you to suggest that things are only now getting weird around here.
MG
Craig has recently found out about this blog, and my handle.
10-4, keep on trucking rubber ducky, you’re right it’s unavoidable.
Craig quite liked the idea of speaking at our first meeting but I don’t think he would really do it.
I love the idea of having Craig McLachlan as guest speaker and then playing “You’re not Craig: the Neighbours edition”. I suspect you would win.
Adam
Let us know when you move to Melbourne so we can hold our first meeting
Gigglewick
If this happens, you will be the first to know
Herbert
You have been elected treasurer
Sharpatootha
Yes, you did just link to Craig McLachlan’s site. Watch for more of Craig’s lyrics in a soon to be published post.
Gigglewick
My next post on Craig McLachlan will reveal what happened when Craig did come up with his own songs.
Well worth the wait, surely.
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