A good way to celebrate Mother's Day
This will take all weekend, but its well worth it.
Start by somehow having both children in bed by 8.00pm on Friday night. Sit down and watch whatever movie happens to be on TV. Fortunately, this turns out to be “The Notebook”, which may be the finest depiction of true love and commitment in the history of cinema. Take care to remember that it’s only a movie, otherwise the sheer beauty of it will cause your heart to break in to two entirely separate pieces.
Curse quietly under your breath when one of your children wakes up ten minutes after the movie ends. Send your wife to bed. Spend the next two hours feeling a little frustrated by your child’s refusal to sleep, but at the same time grateful for the extra time to think up a Mother’s Day Gift.
Get up early on Saturday. Take both children and go to your nearest shopping centre. Discover that the particular shop where you were going to buy a Mother’s Day gift is actually no longer there and has been replaced by some random clothing store. Realise that you have a little under half an hour to come up with Plan B.
Go and buy the entire first series of the West Wing from JB Hi-Fi. Wonder if you should get some sort of award for getting a double pram full of small people through the front door at all, let alone navigating it around a crowded set of small aisles. Consider the possibility that you are probably no longer in the demographic that a place like JB is really targeting. Feel slightly old. Take your children to the pet shop to look at puppies because you actually have a few minutes to kill and the children have been remarkably well behaved throughout all of the above.
Find your wife, drop her and one child at the supermarket. Take other child with you and go and buy some fruit and vegetables. You may need these later, for cooking and stuff.
Go home (NB do not forget to stop by supermarket to collect wife and child on the way), eat excellent salad wraps for lunch.
Prepare marinade for “Chinese style” pork ribs. Consider that if you ever need to know how to say “What the heck is this” in Cantonese, taking a few of these to Beijing and handing them around might be a good way to go about it. Decide that these ribs are going to be awesome so you don’t care.
Realise it’s only two o’clock and it’s a stunningly nice late autumn day. Take the whole family to Grant’s picnic ground in Belgrave. Feed the luckiest birds in the world and take a stroll through the tree ferns. Stop at the café for a milkshake and a bowl of chips for the children, and a very nice glass of chardonnay for your wife. Sit and watch the wedding going on just outside the café. Feel very relaxed.
Take a leisurely drive home, decide you both ate too many of the chips at the café, leave the ribs to marinade overnight and eat soup for dinner.
Get up early on Sunday, organise breakfast for the children, and hope your wife doesn’t wake up before you have time to make a card. Write a poem in several different colours of texta incorporating phrases often used by your children, such as “Thank you mummy, that’s very sweet of you”. Get the children to decorate it with various stamps and cute stickers with bears on them. Feel very pleased with the results.
Entertain the children any way you can so that just once this year your wife gets a decent sleep-in. Once she wakes, and presents and cards have been opened, cook pancakes and whip up a very good caramel latte .
Decide that your two rampantly teething children will drive you nuts if you stay home a minute longer. Head straight for the zoo. Briefly panic when you see just how many cars are already there. Relax when you see that there are no queues and instead take a moment to appreciate that this would cost you $44.00 if you had not joined Friends of the Zoo.
Try not to laugh too hard when you see a three year old at the baboon enclosure pointing and loudly proclaiming “Like grandpa. Like grandpa”. Fail at this. Also enjoy seeing various elephants and penguins.
Head home and enjoy the aforementioned ribs, followed by Grey’s Anatomy and the surprisingly addictive “What About Brian?”.
Feel happy and relaxed. Resolve to have far more weekends like this.
A slightly late Happy Mother's Day to you all.
Start by somehow having both children in bed by 8.00pm on Friday night. Sit down and watch whatever movie happens to be on TV. Fortunately, this turns out to be “The Notebook”, which may be the finest depiction of true love and commitment in the history of cinema. Take care to remember that it’s only a movie, otherwise the sheer beauty of it will cause your heart to break in to two entirely separate pieces.
Curse quietly under your breath when one of your children wakes up ten minutes after the movie ends. Send your wife to bed. Spend the next two hours feeling a little frustrated by your child’s refusal to sleep, but at the same time grateful for the extra time to think up a Mother’s Day Gift.
Get up early on Saturday. Take both children and go to your nearest shopping centre. Discover that the particular shop where you were going to buy a Mother’s Day gift is actually no longer there and has been replaced by some random clothing store. Realise that you have a little under half an hour to come up with Plan B.
Go and buy the entire first series of the West Wing from JB Hi-Fi. Wonder if you should get some sort of award for getting a double pram full of small people through the front door at all, let alone navigating it around a crowded set of small aisles. Consider the possibility that you are probably no longer in the demographic that a place like JB is really targeting. Feel slightly old. Take your children to the pet shop to look at puppies because you actually have a few minutes to kill and the children have been remarkably well behaved throughout all of the above.
Find your wife, drop her and one child at the supermarket. Take other child with you and go and buy some fruit and vegetables. You may need these later, for cooking and stuff.
Go home (NB do not forget to stop by supermarket to collect wife and child on the way), eat excellent salad wraps for lunch.
Prepare marinade for “Chinese style” pork ribs. Consider that if you ever need to know how to say “What the heck is this” in Cantonese, taking a few of these to Beijing and handing them around might be a good way to go about it. Decide that these ribs are going to be awesome so you don’t care.
Realise it’s only two o’clock and it’s a stunningly nice late autumn day. Take the whole family to Grant’s picnic ground in Belgrave. Feed the luckiest birds in the world and take a stroll through the tree ferns. Stop at the café for a milkshake and a bowl of chips for the children, and a very nice glass of chardonnay for your wife. Sit and watch the wedding going on just outside the café. Feel very relaxed.
Take a leisurely drive home, decide you both ate too many of the chips at the café, leave the ribs to marinade overnight and eat soup for dinner.
Get up early on Sunday, organise breakfast for the children, and hope your wife doesn’t wake up before you have time to make a card. Write a poem in several different colours of texta incorporating phrases often used by your children, such as “Thank you mummy, that’s very sweet of you”. Get the children to decorate it with various stamps and cute stickers with bears on them. Feel very pleased with the results.
Entertain the children any way you can so that just once this year your wife gets a decent sleep-in. Once she wakes, and presents and cards have been opened, cook pancakes and whip up a very good caramel latte .
Decide that your two rampantly teething children will drive you nuts if you stay home a minute longer. Head straight for the zoo. Briefly panic when you see just how many cars are already there. Relax when you see that there are no queues and instead take a moment to appreciate that this would cost you $44.00 if you had not joined Friends of the Zoo.
Try not to laugh too hard when you see a three year old at the baboon enclosure pointing and loudly proclaiming “Like grandpa. Like grandpa”. Fail at this. Also enjoy seeing various elephants and penguins.
Head home and enjoy the aforementioned ribs, followed by Grey’s Anatomy and the surprisingly addictive “What About Brian?”.
Feel happy and relaxed. Resolve to have far more weekends like this.
A slightly late Happy Mother's Day to you all.
posted by I'm not Craig at 9:14 PM
3 Comments:
It wouldn't have been Bundle commenting on the baboon, would it? Oh dear, I think I need more red wine! (Those cleanskins have been remarkably good.)
Good work re West Wing.
Now you just try and resist the temptation to watch the whole lot in one sitting and might I also add....
FOR CRYING OUT LOUD BUY THE SECOND SEASON BEFORE THE END OF THE FIRST SEASON. THERE IS A CLIFF HANGER YOU WILL NOT SURVIVE.
Watershedd
Bundle is not a three year old, so that would be no.
Cleanskins?
Giggles
Thanks for the West Wing tip. I passed this on to Honey Bear, who said I should not panic and buy series two while it was on special, but I probably shopuld not ask why and it was certainly nothing to do with my next birthday.
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