I don't know why I said the things I said
We pause briefly between fairly serious posts about faith and atheism to bring you two slightly embarrassing scenes from my life in the past week.
Scene 1 – last Thursday
INC is sitting in Court waiting for the case to begin. My opponent and I have both filled out the “appearance sheet’, where we write down who we are and who we represent. The clerk re-enters the Courtroom
Clerk: Where’s that appearance sheet that was sitting here?
INC’s opponent: I left it up there on the bench.
INC: That would make it a disappearance sheet
*crickets chirrup loudly, a pin is heard to drop to the floor*
*INC resolves never to try to be funny in Court again*
Possibly not my best work, but technically, I got paid for that.
Scene 2 – Saturday
INC puts his two children in the double pram and goes to pick up Honey Bear from her pilates class. INC parks the double pram directly opposite the entrance to the pilates studio.
INC leans down and says to Bundle and Cherub “This is where we find mummies”*
Young lady sitting nearby starts laughing.
In hindsight, the worst part of this was not that I must have looked like the most incredibly sad and desperate guy in the world, but that, since my children look nothing like me, the young lady in question probably thought I had just borrowed these children for a couple of hours specifically for the purpose of hanging around a gym hoping to pick up.
The good news is that I gained a whole new understanding of Einstein’s theory of relativity. The 3 ½ minutes I spent waiting for Honey Bear lasted for around 18 days.
*meaning of course their mummy specifically, but subconsciously and rather unfortunately adopting a Bundle-like speech pattern. Oh well.
Scene 1 – last Thursday
INC is sitting in Court waiting for the case to begin. My opponent and I have both filled out the “appearance sheet’, where we write down who we are and who we represent. The clerk re-enters the Courtroom
Clerk: Where’s that appearance sheet that was sitting here?
INC’s opponent: I left it up there on the bench.
INC: That would make it a disappearance sheet
*crickets chirrup loudly, a pin is heard to drop to the floor*
*INC resolves never to try to be funny in Court again*
Possibly not my best work, but technically, I got paid for that.
Scene 2 – Saturday
INC puts his two children in the double pram and goes to pick up Honey Bear from her pilates class. INC parks the double pram directly opposite the entrance to the pilates studio.
INC leans down and says to Bundle and Cherub “This is where we find mummies”*
Young lady sitting nearby starts laughing.
In hindsight, the worst part of this was not that I must have looked like the most incredibly sad and desperate guy in the world, but that, since my children look nothing like me, the young lady in question probably thought I had just borrowed these children for a couple of hours specifically for the purpose of hanging around a gym hoping to pick up.
The good news is that I gained a whole new understanding of Einstein’s theory of relativity. The 3 ½ minutes I spent waiting for Honey Bear lasted for around 18 days.
*meaning of course their mummy specifically, but subconsciously and rather unfortunately adopting a Bundle-like speech pattern. Oh well.
posted by I'm not Craig at 7:11 AM
4 Comments:
INCraig,
I would have laughed at your joke. But being as I am not a lawyer, it is probably best if I never find myself in the same courtroom as you (even as CSI style expert witness, which would also seem unlikely).
FYI in reference to earlier post, Mr Fix was much amused. He is quite the fan of Queen.
i too liked the disappearance sheet gag. obviously, people have to be serious and up-tight in court but i'm glad to hear you still have some fun.
don't go changing.
[nose wrinkle]
Giggles
I think you would make an excellent CSI style witness. I don't know exactly what you do at work but I think there are computers involved so surely you could search for matching fingerprints/create cool special effects/whatever it is that those CSI people do
MG
Courts are frequently very funny places, but the comedy is not usually intentional.
I plan to continue to be slightly wacky for as long as I continue to get away with it.
Re I don't know exactly what you do at work
you ain't no Robinson Crusoe there, buddy.
On the other hand, at least I know what I do at work - making my job ever so slightly easier.
Post a Comment
<< Home