I would post anything for Melbs (but I shouldn’t post this): Part 1
This one goes out to Melbourne Girl from Melbourne, Australia, as an expression of my gratitude for this post, and because I promised I would. So, with deep reservations and a clear warning that you read this nonsense at your own risk, we at Life is a Highway are “proud” to present a couple of examples of my early attempts at songwriting.
The first dates back to 1997. This song was written as part of a day long jam session with a couple of good friends (in, if memory serves, an actual garage). At some point, the guitarist decided each of the three of us should take 10 minutes to write a song from scratch. To make some sense of it, this was not long after Silverchair (back in their Frogstomp days) had been touring the USA with the Chilli Peppers. One gig in particular did not go well, and reports of that disaster inspired the following memorably stupid song.
There’s a game that they play in Eastern Europe
But not so much in the UK or France
Maybe it’s the culture, or something about the language
But that doesn’t explain why it’s taken off, in the USA
So when they meet you on the streets in Germany
And ask you for your name
If the answer’s Hans or Fritz
Or even Daniel
Then the games begin
In their unique German way
As the crowd gathers round and yells ‘til it hurts
You’re not Kurt
You’re not Kurt
It’s a strange game that they play in Eastern Europe
But as I mentioned before, not in the UK or France
In fact it’s hardly ever, played anymore
Just like the game in that really awful book by Ruth Park
So when they meet you on the streets in Germany
And ask you for your name
If the answer’s Hans or Fritz
Or even Daniel
Then the games begin
In their unique German way
As the crowd gathers round and yells ‘til it hurts
You’re not Kurt
You’re not Kurt
Jump off the stage and we’ll take your pants
Coz you’re not Kurt
[repeat and fade]
Mysteriously, this was never recorded or released, although it turns out that Daniel Johns was probably too busy smoking pot* with famous people to care.
Next week, or whenever I next find time in between packing boxes, reading about Deathly Hallows (is it unhealthy to get to sleep by counting Horcruxes, do you think?) and possibly blogging about other stuff, I will be posting the lyrics to the least successful love song ever recorded. It was called, quite seriously, “Nothing rhymes with Edwina”.
Trust me folks, you will not want to miss that one.
*allegedly, but lets not forget that the alleging here was done by, yes, Daniel Johns.
The first dates back to 1997. This song was written as part of a day long jam session with a couple of good friends (in, if memory serves, an actual garage). At some point, the guitarist decided each of the three of us should take 10 minutes to write a song from scratch. To make some sense of it, this was not long after Silverchair (back in their Frogstomp days) had been touring the USA with the Chilli Peppers. One gig in particular did not go well, and reports of that disaster inspired the following memorably stupid song.
There’s a game that they play in Eastern Europe
But not so much in the UK or France
Maybe it’s the culture, or something about the language
But that doesn’t explain why it’s taken off, in the USA
So when they meet you on the streets in Germany
And ask you for your name
If the answer’s Hans or Fritz
Or even Daniel
Then the games begin
In their unique German way
As the crowd gathers round and yells ‘til it hurts
You’re not Kurt
You’re not Kurt
It’s a strange game that they play in Eastern Europe
But as I mentioned before, not in the UK or France
In fact it’s hardly ever, played anymore
Just like the game in that really awful book by Ruth Park
So when they meet you on the streets in Germany
And ask you for your name
If the answer’s Hans or Fritz
Or even Daniel
Then the games begin
In their unique German way
As the crowd gathers round and yells ‘til it hurts
You’re not Kurt
You’re not Kurt
Jump off the stage and we’ll take your pants
Coz you’re not Kurt
[repeat and fade]
Mysteriously, this was never recorded or released, although it turns out that Daniel Johns was probably too busy smoking pot* with famous people to care.
Next week, or whenever I next find time in between packing boxes, reading about Deathly Hallows (is it unhealthy to get to sleep by counting Horcruxes, do you think?) and possibly blogging about other stuff, I will be posting the lyrics to the least successful love song ever recorded. It was called, quite seriously, “Nothing rhymes with Edwina”.
Trust me folks, you will not want to miss that one.
*allegedly, but lets not forget that the alleging here was done by, yes, Daniel Johns.
posted by I'm not Craig at 9:03 PM
7 Comments:
fantastic INC. you have not disappointed, for real.
"you're not kurt".
i can hear the music.
i love it.
and what's the bit about "we'll take your pants"?
and looking forward to "nothing rhymes with edwina"
i am foaming at the mouth with excitement.
you think i'm joking ?!
no, seriously. thanks for joining the club. it's not easy to out oneself in this way.
and deathly hallows? i'm a bit behind you but princess has finished them all now. i have been beaten by an almost-eleven-year-old.
she's never going to read again, she tells me. just like marcia brady, "i'll never wash this cheek again" or was it jan?
sorry, just a bit of free-association there.
Dude - is "You're Not Kurt" a bit like not being Craig?
Because I'M not Craig, nor am I Kurt.
Wow, that's two clubs I get to be in.
PS Remember the story well - wonder why You Am I didn't cop the same rubbish.
I really need a toon. A thumping toon so I can sing the theme song for the 'I'm not Kurt' club...
Thank you for this little trip down memory lane INC. Makes me feel not nearly so bad about covering the back of my door with tortured self-penned poetry...
MG
I love the free association.
The "take your pants" bit refers to the gig in some American city when Daniel Johns, apparently, went for a stage dive, no-one caught him, he knocked himself out when his head hit the ground, and the crowd decided this would be the appropriate time to steal his trousers.
If that story is true, it will never cease to be funny.
I wonder if that gig was in Memphis?
Giggles
Now that you mention it, "You're not Kurt" was written shortly before the game of "You're not Craig" was invented. The other two members of that band were, not at all by coincidence, two of the inventors of the game.
Although I had completely forgotten that this was how it happened, there is indeed a link.
Actonb
I'm glad this made you feel good/not nearly so bad about something.
Not sure how to convey the tune by blog. Fortunately, there are no recordings of this song anywhere for me to refer you to.
Trust me, this is excellent news.
was it memphis where fraser lost his pants? is that the reference you're making? if not, what is the memphis connection. elvis kept his pants on didn't he? was he memphis? yes, he was.
shutting up now.
MG
Yes, that was indeed a Malcolm Fraser/no pants reference.
Yes, Elvis also has strong links to Memphis but if there's a story about him losing his pants I am yet to hear it.
Elvis has left the/his pants.
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