Tuesday, January 30, 2007

The best things in life are free

And then there are things that cost a little bit extra, but they are well worth it. For example:

1. Free range eggs
2. Seedless Watermelon
3. Buying an actual upside down fridge instead of turning the existing one over and hoping for the best
4. Chapel Hill Unwooded Chardonnay
5. Paying for my rugs to be steam cleaned instead of doing it myself with a length of garden hose and a kettle
6. Lavazza Coffee (well, it’s more expensive than the beans I currently buy – sad really)
7. When required to attend a medieval themed wedding, deciding not to make a suit of chain mail using a large bad of steel wool and two knitting needles, when one can buy one of these:




This is not a picture of me.

Yes, that’s right, I will be attending a wedding wearing that outfit.

This weekend.

The last time I went to this much effort for an event, it was a work Christmas party where the theme was “Heroes” or something. I hired a pirate costume, Honey Bear wore her “Wench Dress” and we were set to go. On arrival, we discovered that, apart from one guy dressed as Darth Vader and one woman dressed as Marilyn Monroe, everyone else had either:

1. Decided that their hero was James Hird and accordingly turned up in their usual clothes plus an Essendon jumper (around 20%)
2. Decided it was all too hard and dressed “neat casual” instead (the other 80%)

I will never quite forgot the experience of walking in to a reception centre in full pirate gear, looking around at a crowd of 50 sensibly dressed people and thinking “Aaarrrrgh this be not good me hearties”. It was a long night.

People had better dress up for this wedding or I am going to go, well, medieval.


The good news is that now that I own a suit of armour, I can publish a book of poetry and call myself “I’m not Jewel”.

Friday, January 26, 2007

Eeeeeeewwwwwww

Australia Day was a stupid idea in the first place. I am absolutely in agreement with my friends in the Koori community who want to rename it Invasion Day and get rid of it. Let’s do something useful about reconciliation and then have a holiday to celebrate that. Anyone who wants to call me un-Australian for supporting the Koori community needs to think a little more carefully.

Yes, I am feeling a little bit grumpy.

I have successfully avoided celebrating much at all today, mostly because both children have gastro so I have spent the afternoon being thrown up on which reminds me of a few parties I have been to they weren’t good ones.

It was inevitable that, after a night of no sleep and much heaving by small people, I would start to consider launching a Japanese influenced comic book called Gastro Boy. Here’s a couple of tips for other parents or parents to be (are you paying attention Groverjones) who may be tempted to consider this idea:

1. Remember that every parent of a certain age has already thought of this at least once in their children’s lifetime;
2. Do not under any circumstances start thinking about the kinds of superpowers such a character would possess.
3. Really, don’t. There is no way this can end well.

Finally, since this is Australia Day, and I need to distract myself from a burning desire to punch Sam Kekovich and several advertising executives in the head, let me answer Gigglewick’s question o’ Aussiness by suggesting that the home brewed alcoholic ginger beer currently sitting in my fridge must come close.

And then I shall drink it and try to forget that today ever happened.

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Great moments in medicine

Cherub has been having a few problems with his digestion. We know what the problem is because Bundle had the same problem. He'll grow out of it just like Bundle did, but we need to deal with the symptoms until that happens. So, we needed a referral to the same pediatrician who helped us out with Bundle's problems. Let's call him Dr Good-at-it.

Since all we needed was the referral, Honey Bear took Cherub down to the nearest bulk billing clinic. Her conversation with someone who was actually a doctor went something like this:


Honey Bear: We need a referral to Dr Good-at-it. Cherub's haveing problems with his tummy

Actual Doctor: Can I see his tummy?

[Honey Bear lifts up Cherub's shirt]

[Actual Doctor glances at the area surrounding Cherub's belly button]

[Actual Doctor WRITES THE REFERRAL]

Fin


Yes, that really is the whole scene.



You know our health is in safe hands when a doctor is thorough enough to carefully check that a child has something between his hips and his ribs before referring him to a specialist to deal with the problem.

If anyone except Honey Bear had told me this story, I would have suggested rather strongly that they were making it up. Except that no-one could possibly think this up unless it had really happened.


From watching Grey's Anatomy, I have learned that the correct medical term to be used in such a situation is "Seriously? SERIOUSLY?!!?!"

Sunday, January 21, 2007

INC v Dawkins

I am deeply, no in fact eternally, grateful to Richard Dawkins for all the free publicity he has given to the question of the existence of God with his latest book, The God Delusion. Clearly, however, a quick look at my profile will indicate that I disagree with Mr Dawkins on a few key points.

I am not going to embark on a comprehensive critique of the book itself, largely because I haven’t read it. Nor am I going to try to prove the existence of God in the space of one blog entry when the finest theologians and philosophers the world has ever seen have utterly failed to do so despite trying for several millennia. I do want to comment on a couple of issues raised by an interview with Mr Dawkins in the Age a couple of weeks ago (which I will not quote directly from because I very diligently recycled the stupid thing before I got around to writing this) and on some of the more interesting aspects of the discussion of this book on the December edition of First Tuesday Book Club, and particularly some very interesting thoughts from Germaine Greer on the whole topic.

Mr Dawkins is a pretty intelligent guy, so I was a bit surprised that Ms Greer, as well as some of the other book clubbers, was so critical of the construction of his arguments, but after reading the interview with him in the Age I concluded that there might be some basis for their concerns.

For example, the Age interviewer put to Mr Dawkins the argument that not many soup kitchens and drug rehab centres are run by committed rationalists, the implication being that Christians, Moslems, Jews and other religious types do more good in the world than Atheists.

This is a stupid argument, and I would have thought Mr Dawkins could have handled it quite easily. I don’t think there is actually any evidence that shows that Christians do more good things than atheists, on average. I spent a little over two years working for an organization that existed primarily to do some good in the world, by providing legal services to those who most needed help and could least afford it. Most of our clients were drug addicts or otherwise in need of intense support. All of us working there could have made more money working just about anywhere else (including, say, at Nandos).

I went to work there because I believe that helping the most disadvantaged in our society is a vitally important aspect of Christian faith. However, I was the only Christian in the place for most of the time that I worked there. My boss, who was there for over ten years, was a committed atheist.

To be fair, it is possibly that Mr Dawkins has not been following my career all that closely and therefore this example was not available to him, but surely he could have come up with some sort of similar example.

The other very valid criticism of this argument is that it misses the point of Christianity almost entirely. We have spent decades, possibly centuries, trying to get away from this stupid notion that being a Christian is in any way about being better than everyone else. It’s not. The point is to be better than I would be if I was not committed to this faith. In other words to be the best “I’m not Craig” I can possibly be. (Yes, I know that was a ridiculous sentence, but the point is valid).

Mr Dawkins instead produced a surprisingly half baked response. He suggested that the tendency of Christians to do more good than atheists might actually be an indicator of something quite ignoble in human nature, in that we all tend to be more inclined to do good things when someone is watching. He suggested that Christians believe that God sees what we do 24 hours a day so we tend to spend more of our time doing good things.

This is a surprisingly weak argument. Leaving aside the raft of assumptions about how Christians think and what motivates us (and the quite significant possibility that we don’t all think exactly the same way), the central fallacy of the argument can be easily demonstrated by watching an episode of Big Brother. If Mr Dawkins is right, the Big Brother house should be the most prosocial place on the planet. These people are literally being watched 24 hours per day and they well know it and yet they seem to do less of the fund raising for charity and more of the turkey slapping than Mr Dawkins might expect.

As I said at the outset, I have not read the book, but if the above discussion is indicative of the quality of his reasoning generally, I’d be better off re-reading Bertrand Russell’s “Why I am not a Christian”. At least it took more than five minutes to find the flaws in the reasoning in that particular text.

The question of Mr Dawkins logical reasoning skills brings us neatly to the discussion on First Tuesday Book Club, which I found fascinating. I am always interested in hearing what Marieke Hardy and Jason Steger have to say about a book (or any issue really) and they were joined on the panel by the slightly unusual pairing of Frank Brennan and Germaine Greer, together with the ever enthusiastic Jennifer Byrne.

I have previously been critical of many of Germaine Greer’s views, said criticisms usually involving a lot of swearing and getting cross. However, I have never questioned her intelligence and on this occasion she had, as ever, several interesting things to say.

Ms Greer described the tone of the book as “shrill” and said that it contained some very bad science, and also said “it’s a mess. It’s not properly organized intellectually”. Jason Steger said he was not convinced by Dawkins’ arguments, Marieke Hardy said Dawkins was a fundamentalist in his own regard and Jennifer Byrne noted that he was surprisingly intolerant. Frank Brennan also declared himself unconvinced, although that is possibly to be expected.

For me, the most interesting part of the book club’s discussion came when Frank Brennan raised the question of how atheists can have a sense of the transcendent, and (in the context of a discussion about weddings) how they can find an expression of love and commitment beyond themselves and beyond time.

Germaine Greer’s comments were fascinating. She said “That’s the annoying thing. Atheism hasn’t been able to… imbue the idea of people as autonomous with anything like the mystic power that religion can give. We haven’t been able to build any aura around it. Atheists have got to imbue this real world (in their view) with resonance. And they can’t do it.”

I would be curious to hear from my atheist readers, or anyone really, as to whether this is truly the case, but I suspect that it is a serious problem for atheists.

G K Chesterton had a few interesting things to say more or less on this topic, such as this:

“I feel in my bones, first that this world does not explain itself… Second, I began to feel as if magic must have a meaning, and meaning must have someone to mean it. There was something personal in the world, as in a work of art… Third, I thought this purpose beautiful in its old design, in spite of its defects, such as dragons…

And last, and strangest, there had come into my mind a vague and vast impression that in some way all good was a remnant to be stored and held sacred out of some primordial ruin.”

The world is a beautiful and magical place. The existence of natural beauty, science can explain. But for me, my sense of awe on seeing the magic of a stunning sunset over Loch Ard Gorge, the awesome experience of falling in love with a true soulmate, the wonder of being kissed on the cheek by one’s beautiful two year old son, and a million other things of beauty can only be explained by the existence of God.

It’s not just that such things are beautiful, but that we have within us the capacity to feel the awe and wonder inspired by such beauty. To live without a sense of the divine seems, to me, profoundly sad.

I quite like Frederick Buechner’s definition of what it means to be a Christian.

“A Christian is one who is on the way, though not necessarily very far along it, and who has at least some dim and half-baked idea of whom to thank”.


I found myself agreeing with Germaine Greer twice in one day when she went on to talk about current approaches to religion, saying “We have reinvented DIY religion which is thin, stupid, ugly, vulgar, plastic, awful; and people are going for it like mad. It’s a flight from reason. I find it extremely annoying.”

This seems like a bit too much of a generalization, and rather unfair to any number of very sincere people, but the central point is a sound and indeed vitally important one.

Faith is not, of course, solely an intellectual exercise. The essence of Christianity lies in loving people, in the sense that we put the needs of others ahead of our own, and then working out what it means to live according to that principle.

It is also, of course, about belief in the transcendent, something bigger than ourselves. Whilst we all agree that we can’t actually prove that God exists, a belief in God is not a suspension of disbelief or an abandonment of science and reason, it’s a recognition that there is an awful lot that we don’t know about the universe and a belief that it all makes a lot more sense if one accepts the supernatural as a part of our reality, even if science can’t define it, measure it and explain it.

Germaine Greer is entirely right that there is no place for a flight from reason in any of this. In my view, many, possibly most, Christians need to abandon their neurotic desire to have all the answers all the time, embrace the uncertainty and messiness of life, be intellectually honest even when it does not suit our purposes, and see where we end up. I suspect the answer is that we will end up with a set of beliefs that is much more robust than the type of Christianity doing the rounds in the churches I’ve been attending lately.


So, there you have my little contribution to the questions that have been asked again and again since the beginning of time. I would be fascinated to hear what all of you, and particularly my atheist readers, made of it. And to anyone who actually read this entire post, thank you.

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Stop saying 'goose'

The Free Dictionary defines a ‘wild goose chase’ as ‘an attempt to accomplish something impossible or unlikely of attainment.’

But really, why do people use this expression? With today’s technology, surely it can’t be that difficult to catch a wild goose, provided it does not have too much of a head start, or advanced counter intelligence training.

The expression is usually used to refer to the act of pursuing something that can’t be found, which would be better described as a “wild no-goose chase”, really.

Maybe this is one of those expressions where the spelling has changed over the years and the original meaning has been lost. Perhaps this expression originally referred to an attempt to catch Oscar behaving foolishly, and that activity came to be known as a ‘Wilde Goose Chase.’

It’s Possible.

The phrase is also used to describe something that is a big waste of time and effort. In that sense, it remains an accurate reflection of the basic principle that if one really needs a wild goose, it is far less effort to simply go and find a tame goose and annoy it.

Yes folks, this is the sort of stuff that goes on in my head all the time.

Friday, January 12, 2007

It's gonna take a lot to drag me awaaaaay from you

I have always wanted to travel to Africa. Yesterday, I started to wonder why that is. All I could come up with was:

1. That waterfall scene at the end of “The Power of One” was cool
2. The idea of sitting under a tree in Botswana drinking bush tea sounds quite appealing
3. I listened to THAT Toto song a few too many times during my formative years
4. I like zebras

This would be a good time to ring everyone you know in Africa and tell them to start preparing for the massive surge in tourism that this post will, inevitably, cause. When it happens, we will know that it was nothing to do with that film about diamonds or Angelina Jolie’s fondness for all things Namibian, no, it was this post.

All there's nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do (to prove me wrong).

Thursday, January 11, 2007

A new low

It is perhaps fortunate that my New Years Resolutions did not include "Enough with the left wing rants on your blog already" because such a resolution could never hope to survive in the face of Philip Ruddock's latest efforts. It's also fortunate that I did not resolve to stop blogging whilst wearing only a sarong, but that's another story.

The Attorney General wrote a truly amazing article for the Sunday Age last week, which included the following breathtaking pearls of wisdom:

I should address the argument that Mr Hicks could have been charged with offences under Australian law. The best legal minds at the Government's disposal remain adamant that is not the case. That decision is more complicated than simply identifying a criminal offence. The likelihood of success, available defences, the facts in question and the rules of evidence in Australian courts must all be considered.

The Australian Federal Police considered offences existing in 2001, including offences set out in the Geneva Conventions Act 1957 and the Crimes (Foreign Incursions and Recruitment) Act 1978. The AFP asked the Commonwealth Director of Public Prosecutions to consider all available evidence regarding Mr Hicks' alleged involvement with the Kosovo Liberation Army, Lashkar-e-Taiba and al-Qaeda/Taliban forces. The DPP advised that prosecution was not available.

Previously, the government had argued that David Hicks could not be charged under Australian law. THIS MEANS HE DID NOT COMMIT ANY CRIME AS FAR AS AUSTRALIA IS CONCERNED WHY IS HE IN CUSTODY. It appears that the government now says, even more despicably, that it's not that they had nothing to charge him with its just that they did not think they were likely to win. THIS MEANS THE ISSUE IS NOT SOME OVERSIGHT OR TECHNICAL FLAW IN THE DRAFTING OF LEGISLATION BUT THERE IS SIMPLY NOT ENOUGH EVIDENCE OF WRONGDOING TO PROSECUTE DAVID HICKS WHY THE HELL IS THIS MAN STILLIN CUSTODY IT HAS BEEN FIVE YEARS YOU IDIOTS.

In the same article, Mr Ruddock insists that David Hicks will get a fair trial because there will be a presumption of innocence. Seriously.

So, an Australian citizen breaks no laws and could not be proisecuted in this country ancd our government actually thinks this is an argument in favour of him being detained without a trial for years on end in hellishly bad conditions. In the legal profession, this type of reasoning is technically known as "insane troll logic".

As a general rule, I find that when just trying to figure out how someone could intellectually hold a particularly view makes my head hurt so much that I want to plung it into a swimming pool full of jelly just to distract myself from the pain, it is just possible that the person promoiting that view is engaged in a subtle combination of spin and hoping that everyone who reads the article in question is a complete idiot.

As of today, David Hicks has been in Guantanamo Bay for five whole years. It is time to tell our government that enough is enough. They have failed in their most basic duty to look after an Australian citizen and they are not fit to govern. Vote these idiots out.

Sunday, January 07, 2007

Happy holidays

And we're back from a lovely family holiday in beautiful Marysville. I couldn't help but notice that since we started taking small children along on these trips we pack a little bit differently.

A few things I never packed for a weekend away when I was a single guy with no children:
  1. A train set.
  2. Several books detailing the adventures of Pipkin the Rabbit.
  3. Two kinds of tea.
  4. Any tea, frankly.
  5. Nappies.
  6. A large box of wooden blocks.
  7. Those tiny cereal packets.
  8. This much gin.

We had an excellent weekend, hiking to waterfalls, marvelling at the giant mechano exhibition at Manical Mechanicals, eating truly good butterscotch muffins at the local bakery, spending a large amount of time with chickens, cooking pancakes for a late breakfast and, in my case, getting mugged by a freakin' kookaburra.

Hope you all had a great weekend too.

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

2007, and we're away...

They say one should begin each year as one plans to continue, so lets start this one with another bad pun.

Honey Bear and I have recently been invited to a wedding somewhere to the north of here in early February. The wedding has the not entirely standard dress code of "medieval".

In view of the rather short notice, we have spent rather a lot of money on airfares (trust me, driving that far with these two children and back again in one weekend = a shockingly bad plan). We will also need to hire a car and we want to get them a nice present too, so we were trying to think of how to avoid spending too much on costumes.

After a brief moment's thought, I suggested that I could wear a Rip Curl T-Shirt and tell anyone who asked that I was dressed as a serf.

The beauty of this is that not only is this a killer pun, it is also an important political statement about the appalling standards of literacy among the common folk in medieval times.

During the reception, I could also make endless jokes about serfing the menu and perhaps when it's my turn to make a speech I could yell "serf's up".

I am not actually going to do this, as these are people we care about and I should have a little respect for how they want to run the ceremony in which they will commit themselves to each other for life.

So, does anyone have any other suggestions for dressing to this theme which do not involve spending a large amount of money and/or shaving my legs kthxbye.