God rest you merry gentlefolk

I have been trying for several days now to think of something profound or even interesting to say about Christmas. It hass't worked.

I have spent the entire month of December running around, doing stuff, and being just too tired to feel the sense of happiness and peace that I normally associate with this time of year.

So, once my older son and wife are finally awake, we’re going to open presents, and then go to church, and then spend the afternoon with my parents, my sisters and my nieces. We’re going to laugh a lot, and eat a lot, and annoy my brother in law with more bad puns, and I’m going to think about how much I wish that my brother and his wife and daughter could be here in Melbourne instead of somewhere in the remoter bits of Western Australia.

There will be a most pleasant absence of giraffes, seamonkeys and Beverly Hills Pimps. Instead, I am going to spend today enjoying all the things that make my life a very happy one.

And I hope and pray that you all have a truly awesome day too.

All right! Stop!

Yes, I know I said I was too busy to blog, and I am, but really, I just hadn’t counted on this…

Truly funny link, right here.

Yes, Mr van Winkle is back. In fact, apparently he never left.

That link is worth clicking on just for the killer photo, my friends. And possibly also for this description of Christmas Ice-style:

While most people spend time with family and exchange gifts, Ice hosts the Vanilla Ice Holiday House Party every December, featuring human bowling, vanilla pudding wrestling, Beverly Hills pimps and ho's, a live giraffe, and women swimming with sea monkeys.

He has finally reached the point where there’s just no way to take the piss that he hasn’t already thought of first, hasn’t he folks? Well, maybe not:

Ice said he laughs it off when people make fun of his 90s image, and has a league of loyal fans for his new music, which he describes as "not very radio friendly".

Would it be overly harsh to suggest that not much has changed since “Ninja Rap”?


My favourite part is this absolute worst pitch for sympathy about the hardships of fame ever:

"I thought it was going to be a bunch of girls in the hot tub and a bunch of money thrown around everywhere.
"That's true, but there's another side to it."


Food parcels can be sent via his agent. Please ensure that you include at least one (1) pound of bacon.

Worst excuse yet

Dear folks

I am too busy to blog this week as I am, quite seriously, attempting to build a sandpit from random bits of wood that I just bought.

This will, theoretically, be a Christmas present for small children.

Shortly after Christmas, expect to see either a picture of the most impressive looking sandpit in the history of the world, or a lengthy and no doubt humourous post about just how badly this ended.

Predictions welcome, so long as you're predicting that it will be the first one.

Teaching science using popular music Part 1: Moonlight

If we learned nothing else from Coyote Ugly (and we didn't), at least we learned that, no matter how much you try to resist, you can't fight The Moonlight. Despite years of research, Leann Rimes concluded that no matter what you do, the night is going to get to you.

Popular musicians have been concerned about moonlight for quite some time, ever since Mike Oldfield warned us all that even its shadows can carry you away. It's no wonder that Cat Stevens didn't want to be followed by one of those things.

When dealing with such a potent force as moonlight, it seems the worst thing that one could do would be to antagonise it. That's why we have had years of public service announcements in bad nightclubs reminding us that, should something slightly mysterious known as 'it' happen to occur, one is much safer blaming 'it' on 'The Boogie'.

So, with all that in mind, no-one can blame Brandon Flowers for failing to correctly predict that his moonlight could be ruined by a rumour. Still, this serendipitous discovery has been invaluable in our ongoing struggle to be able to go out at night without getting caught in the middle of a desperate fight.

Scientists are confident that, within five years, they will be able to accurately predict precisely when it will be a marvelous night for a moondance.



Next week, we learn what exactly you can do when someone tries to steal your sunshine, and, in particular, how to handle this tricky situation if you happen to be walking on it at the time.

A list. And not even a very long one.

I have been too busy celebrating the election result, sending emails and taking unexpected trips to Moe to actually finish writing any of the 27 million posts I want to put on this blog, so purely to pass the time until I write something with a point to it, I am pleased to announce that I have finally figured out how to use an iTunes card and I can present the following list of the first 10 songs I hav eever downloaded. In the order I downloaded them, and for no particular reason, they were:

1. Scissor Sisters - I don't feel like dancing

2. The Hooters - And we danced

3. The Veronicas - 4ever

4. The Killers - Somebody told me

5. Dixie Chicks - Not ready to make nice

6. Panic! at the Disco - I write sins not tragedies

7. Tom Cochrane - Life is a Highway*

8. Kisschasy - Opinions won't keep you warm at night

9. The KLF - Last Train to Trancentral

10. Gin Blossoms - Hey Jealousy



And I don't know what to make of it all either.






* Obvs